Couples SHARE Loss with Memory Tree at Southeast Missouri Hospital

Emotions run high during the holidays with all the shopping and family visits, but for Merlin and Nicole Pyrtle, there's a depth of sadness many people don't understand.

The Pyrtles have lost three of their children due to miscarriage and premature birth -- a set of twins in November 2000, and a son in October 2002.

"It's something people don't understand unless they've been through it," says Nicole.

Instead of being able to buy Christmas gifts for those children, all they can do is simply honor their memory.

That's why they're grateful for the SHARE Tree at Southeast Missouri Hospital. The SHARE program is a support system for parents who have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death. The tree is put up every year in the Obstetrics Department and is filled with ornaments from parents who have lost a child.

The tree has been at the Hospital every Christmas since the program started in 1985. Nicole and Merlin have three ornaments on the tree to commemorate the children they never got to raise.

"Parents who put these ornaments up want people to know their baby existed and remind other new parents how fortunate they are to come out of the hospital with a healthy baby," says Gayle Unverferth, RNC, nursery nurse and SHARE coordinator. "When you lose a child, you lose a part of your past and your future."

Nicole says she and her husband firmly believe in the SHARE program, calling it their "lifeline" for support. They still participate in the program as a way to communicate with other couples who have experienced loss.

"It's such a vital program for families who are grieving the death of a child," adds Nicole. "The holidays are always hard for people who have a lost a child. By putting an ornament on that tree, it gives them the opportunity to remember that child. It's something physical for them to do. It's something they can buy for their child to remember them by."

Today, the Pyrtles are blessed with a 5-year-old daughter, Madelyn Grace, and a 16-month old daughter, Josalyn.

Parents come to look at the tree every year, says Unverferth, noting that anyone can add an ornament, even if they haven't experienced the loss of a child. Friends and family members are welcome to add ornaments as well.

"It's just another way that we reach out to the community," she says.