When mom goes off to war

Southeast Missourian

PERRYVILLE, Mo.

Dean Berkbigler misses his wife's laughter.

Danielle misses being able to call her mom on the telephone any time she wants. She misses the messages Mom used to leave on the answering machine.

So many things are missing at the Berkbigler home. The house wasn't decorated for Christmas. The familiar face, a wife's touch, a mother's smile have been absent since Sept. 26.

Such is life when Mom goes off to war.

The Berkbigler family -- including Dean, 44, Dawn, 18, and Danielle, 23 -- suffered an emotional jolt when Naval reservist Dot Berkbigler, 45, was called into active duty overseas.

She is stationed in Bahrain, a small island nation near Saudi Arabia. She is part of a security detachment, providing perimeter watches for a base.

The 5-foot-4, fun-loving mother, who worked as a human resource coordinator at Rubbermaid Closet and Organization Products in Jackson, Mo., is half a world away, wearing a helmet and flak jacket and probably carrying an M-16 machine gun and a 9 mm pistol. She typically works 12- to 14-hour days to protect her country.

"She's just a little lady," Danielle said. "You'd never imagine her carrying a gun in the military."

Dot is definitely not the stereotypical soldier. She's old enough to be the mother of many of the soldiers. Dean said the younger people on the base look up to her and call her "Mom" or "Mrs. B."

"People think going to war is a young man's job," Dean said. "But it really isn't. I'd much rather be going instead of her. I'd rather be the one in harm's way."

The last couple of months have been difficult for the Berkbiglers. Dot missed the holiday season.

Dean and the girls carry on with their daily activities, though they worry. And they are apprehensive of how long Dot will be away from home. She almost certainly will be gone for a year, perhaps as long as two, meaning she could miss Danielle's college graduation.

Danielle lives in Cape Girardeau and goes to Southeast Missouri State, while Dawn attends Southwest Missouri State in Springfield. And the family, particularly Dot, is thankful the war on terrorism is happening now instead of five or 10 years ago when the girls still lived at home.

"It's just a lot lonelier," Dean said.

Grinning but serious, Dawn replied, "That's why you need to get a dog."

A military family

There was a remote possibility that both Dean and Dot could have been called to duty.

Dean was in active duty in the Navy for 11 years and was in the reserves for 13 more. Recently, he joined the National Guard, giving him more than 26 years of service.

During Desert Storm, Dean was based in northern Saudi Arabia for five months.

He put in his papers for retirement two months ago. The final paperwork on his retirement has not gone through, but he's expecting it to become official soon.

"It would have to be an all-out war for them to call up retired status," Dean said.

Given Dean's background, he has a deep appreciation for what Dot is going through.

"I am so proud of her," he said. "There's a sense of pride that is very strong."

Dean has now seen both sides of separation. He has served and he has been left behind.

He prefers serving.

"It's a lot harder on this end than being the one that goes," he said. "When you go away, you're focused. I told her to try not to think about us too much. When I was in Saudi Arabia, I just tried to push those thoughts aside."

Dean said Dot doesn't have much time to think about family, anyway.

She is exhausted after putting in long shifts and carrying around all her equipment. On her days off, he said, she spends most of her day sleeping.

Keeping in touch

Dean gets an e-mail from Dot once or twice a week.

The messages used to come more often, but as more military personnel arrive at the base, Internet time has been cut.

When she first arrived at Bahrain, Dot could spend 30 minutes at the computer. Now she gets 10 minutes, if she's lucky. One day, she received more than 20 e-mails from friends and family back home. It's doubtful she even had time to read them all.

Dot calls home on the telephone once every two weeks or so.

Her friends and co-workers at Rubbermaid have also kept in touch.

Andy Killebrew, vice president of human resources, said Dot is well-liked and respected at work. He said all her co-workers have kept touch through e-mail.

They also sent a large care package containing some local newspapers and other assorted Christmas items.

The Berkbiglers have sent a few packages as well.

Dawn thought Dot might miss the beautiful fall scenery around their Perryville home. So she collected some colorful leaves, made a collage and had it laminated. She also sent a photo of the tree tops.

Dean sent Dot a Christmas package which included all the family's Christmas cards.

For Thanksgiving, the Berkbiglers visited relatives in Uniontown, Mo.

"But the spirit was just not there," Dean said.

Dean didn't deck the halls, partly because he and his daughters visited his brother in New Mexico for Christmas.

Besides, "Dot does all that," he said. "She enjoys it. I just didn't decorate anything."

He did, however, raise a nautical flag pole in his front yard.

Finding out the news

When the terrorists attacked on Sept. 11, the whole family was concerned.

"I called Mom up on the 800 number at work," Dawn said. "My first thought was that Dad was going to get called up because they talked on the news how they were calling up people from Fort Leonard Wood. So I thought about my Dad."

Dean, however, reasoned that Dot had a better chance of being called into duty.

Still, when the news came during the week of Perryville High's homecoming, it was a shock to everybody. Dot got the call at work telling her to report for duty.

"I was at school in Springfield, and they didn't want to tell me over the phone," Dawn said. "When I came back for homecoming weekend at the high school, they sat down and told me. I was shocked."

Because of Dean's experience in the military and because of his confidence in Dot, he tends to worry a little less about Dot's welfare than his daughters do.

"She's a strong woman," he said. "She'll do what she needs to do."

To which Danielle replied, "Yeah, but she has no control of what someone else does."

Regardless of the uneasiness of the family, it appears the United States has a good soldier on its side.

When asked to describe her personality, Killebrew, one of Dot's superiors at Rubbermaid, offered the following: "Dot is a high-energy, personable, detailed individual. She definitely takes pride in her work. You hand her something to do, it's done.

"Guaranteed."

bmiller@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 127