Support From Page 2

For Kera Smith, being told she had breast cancer was one thing. Repeating it to herself was another thing altogether.

"Just saying it out loud is hard," she says. "That's what makes it real, almost. The word ‘cancer' makes you feel like you might die."

In 2011, at the time of her diagnosis, Smith was just 36 years old with a 16-year-old daughter.

"I was in shock," she says. "But it slows you down. You take account of what's important. Acceptance comes along, but having a good support system is so important."

Living in Rochester, New York, at the time, she endured 16 rounds of chemotherapy during which she never went to a support group. She says her family was responsible for helping her stay positive. She says offering support to someone fighting cancer isn't rocket science, but there are right ways and wrong ways to go about it.

"You just need to hear that you're going to be OK," she says. "You really like to hear that you're going to live. Especially for a young person."

Lori Bronenkant, experience manager at Southeast Cancer Center, explains that everyone is different, and the way to tell when someone is ready to talk is to ask them.

"This process is very individualized to the person who has been diagnosed with cancer. Each person copes in their own way," she says. "If they are ready, they will talk. If they aren't, let them know when they are ready, you will listen. Until then, you continue to support them however you can. Just because someone may not be ready to talk, doesn't mean they do not need you or your support. Be mindful and acutely aware of this."

Smith says patients and their loved ones need to deal with hopeful prospects, not venture into other territory, such as speculation.

"I've had some people say some very strange things to me," she says. "Like wearing too much deodorant causes breast cancer. I just took what they had to say and smiled. I've heard religious things, too, but [BRCA 1] is something in my DNA that I was born with. Some people just say that they're sorry, but yeah, some people come at you with what they think causes cancer."

She's now cancer-free and living in Illinois. Her diagnosis prompted her sister and her daughter to get genetically tested for the BRCA gene, a mutation that strongly indicates a predisposition to cancer. Both were positive. Her sister, Jennifer Newman, was diagnosed in March at age 35. Kera and Jennifer started going to a support group together, where they were able to open up about their experiences.

"Even for me being done with cancer, you felt like you could talk and people would listen," Smith says. "You feel like you're not as isolated, and that maybe you're not the only one."

Bronenkant says finding common ground, even if it means sharing anxieties, can be beneficial.

"But when those are shared and talked through, those fears can be turned into goals of how a person can endure treatment and celebrate life. Communication is a key component to supporting people with cancer," she says. "It does not mean it is easy, but the reward of having those difficult conversations and your support system all being on the same page is worth it."

Through her own experience, Smith was able to empathize with her sister and others going through chemo, which she remembers as a time when she only had the energy to get dressed, eat and go to the doctor.

"[The other patients that we've met] have had similar ups and downs," she says.

Newman seems to have taken to heart her sister's advice about positive thinking.

"It's a mental hurdle to deal with, but luckily I have a big family and support system," she says. "The important thing is that I have my life, you know?"