Stop those summer sibling squabbles: How to keep a peaceful house while the kids are home from school

With summer coming, school will be out and the kids will be home from school. But what do you do when summer days turn into constant squabbling among siblings?

"Try to keep kids entertained and active," says Elizabeth Statler, a licensed clinical social worker and owner of One Accord Counseling in Cape Girardeau. "Try to have some structured time each day and try to have individual time with each sibling. You don't have to go out and spend money. It can be as simple as, 'Tonight you get to help me [in the kitchen] and we will make your favorite dinner.' You can incorporate things that you are going to do anyway."

When siblings learn to get along, it can help them resolve conflicts later in life. "Studies show that siblings are where we first learn about conflict resolution," says Statler.

If there is arguing and fighting, encourage kids to be part of the solution. "If kids are fighting, you can say, 'You guys come up with a solution and bring it to me.' Give them, say, a five-minute time limit [to come up with a solution]," says Statler. If you feel the argument is getting out of control, then you need to intervene.

"Timeouts are good to give everyone a chance to calm down," says Statler.

Dr. Mary Elizabeth Ambery, child development curriculum coordinator at Southeast Missouri State University, agrees that keeping kids engaged and active during the summer can cut down on sibling squabbles.

She encourages parents to look around the house for items that can spark their children's imaginations. "Big cardboard boxes can be turned into cars, tables and play stove tops," she says.

If you don't have a pool, a pan of water or a spray bottle can help pass the time on a hot day. "Kids can 'paint' with a spray bottle on the sidewalk or make feet patterns in water," says Ambery.

When fighting does occur, Ambery recommends redirection, or getting kids interested in something other than what they are fighting over. She also suggests "time with" instead of "timeouts" when siblings are feuding. Instead of isolating a child by putting them in time out, 'time with' involves the child playing near the adult and away from the other children for awhile."Eventually, the child wants to go back and play with the other child," says Ambery. "You just have to make sure [the child understands] that they've all got to get along."

Ambery also offers an idea on how to deal with tantrums when siblings fight. "Our immediate response is to go to the child," she says. "Unless the child is in danger of hurting themselves or others, just stand there. When a child is flushed with emotion, they won't hear anything you are saying anyway. [When they have settled down], acknowledge their pain and then use redirection."

Finally, Ambery reminds parents that summer can be a tough transitional time for some children. "Kids are thrown into a situation where there is much less structure," she says. "Some children do fine, while others have more trouble transitioning."