Baby steps: When panic sets in

Have you ever had one of those days where you just knew something was going to go wrong? I have those days, but they usually turn out to be nothing. Of course, this time when my guard was down, that was when the universe decided to hit me with its best shot.

Cooper had had a slight fever for a couple of days. He was getting in more of those handy dog-biting teeth, so I didn't think anything about it. But he seemed to not be feeling as well as he should. I dropped him off in the morning at Grandma's and asked her to keep an eye on him and check his temperature. She called me an hour later to tell me that it had skyrocketed from 99.9 degrees to 101.3 degrees. Needless to say I panicked, but only slightly. I still assumed it was from his teeth and that he was getting an ear infection because of it. I called the doctor and then waited two hours before he called me back.

The doctor said to come on in because he was certain it was an ear infection, too, and he didn't want me to have to wait in the emergency room all day Saturday with a 10-month-old. I took the earliest appointment available, which just so happened to be 15 minutes from the time I was talking to the doctor on the phone. I rushed out of work to go and get my baby. We made it just in time for the 11 a.m. appointment, only to find that the elevator was out of order -- so I hauled my two bags and my 22-pound child up four flights of stairs and made it with two minutes to spare.

Once there, I could tell that something was wrong with Cooper. As anyone who has met my child can tell you, he is not a subdued kid. He was sitting motionless on my lap, just staring at the wall instead of trying to climb it. I think that is when the real panic kicked in. Before now I didn't think that anything serious was wrong -- just another ear infection due to teething -- I'd give him some meds and he would be fine.

We got into the exam room and the doctor came in to look at him. He checked his ears first and then gave me a perplexed look. His ears were fine. He then checked his glands and throat and said he had found the problem. My sweet little baby had strep throat! I was floored; I felt like the worst parent ever. Here I was just doling out baby ibuprofen, and my baby was in real pain. I went to the car and cried, feeling deflated.

Now that this, too, has passed, I realize it isn't my fault that I didn't know Cooper had strep. Now that I have had time to step back and take a look at the situation, I know that I was probably way too hard on myself. As the caregiver of this amazing little person, I feel like it is my job to make sure nothing bad ever happens to him, and I failed. I think it was more traumatic for me than for Cooper, and he is the one who had to have a huge cotton swab shoved down his throat.

I know that as time goes on he will get sick again, and it will probably be worse than strep. Knowing my child and his father, there will probably be broken bones, too. But like my mother says, you never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they get, and you will always wish that you could take away their pain. I believe that this lesson has helped me to be better prepared for the next time. I know that I will definitely take a slight fever more seriously from now on.

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Kristen Pind, a native of small-town Gower, Mo., came to Southeast Missouri State University with big dreams of being the next Katie Couric or Diane Sawyer. She never thought that at age 25, she'd be married with a 10-month-old son and living in Cape Girardeau. Keep up with Kristen's adventures as a first-time mom -- one who's still a girl trying to figure out how her own life fits together. Turns out, she's living a dream she never knew she had, and loving every minute of it.