Baby steps: 15 minutes

I have recently discovered that no matter how much child care experience you have, it is completely different when that child is your own. I have been baby-sitting and working in day cares since I was 12 years old. When I got pregnant I wasn't worried about how I would do being a mom; I was convinced that I was going to be a superstar.

Of course, reality then slipped in unnoticed. When you work with other people's children you get to go home at night, without them. When they are yours, they are there -- ALL the time! Not only do I find it difficult to come home from a long, eight-hour day to a screaming 9-month-old who's cutting teeth, but I also sometimes wish that I didn't have to go home. Don't get me wrong -- I love my son, but after listening to others complain all day and running against a deadline, I sometimes want to just come home and relax. I want to drink a glass of wine, get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, watch a movie without having to push pause three or four times, and read a book without losing my spot. Oh, relaxation, you are but a fond memory. Guess I'll see you again when I'm 40.

Yesterday I picked up Cooper from Grandma's. He was in a mood, to say the least. We got home and I spent the rest of the evening listening to screaming and getting bitten. He has recently discovered that it is more fun to bite mommy than the dogs now. I guess I am less hairy. I was about to lose my mind when my knight in shining armor, my husband, came home. I was ready to pass Coop over, but an hour later it was 8 p.m. and I still hadn't had dinner and was still dealing with the screaming child -- and I lost it.

It was then that I realized that it was OK to take a little time to myself. I passed Cooper off, went into the bedroom and just sat there in the dark for 15 minutes. After my little hiatus, I came back into the living room, took the now smiling child (because of course we are in the "daddy's better than mommy stage") and put him to bed. I then told my confused-looking husband that I just needed a little break, and from now on I am taking one when I need it. Being the amazing man that he is, he of course just said, "OK."

Life is hard, but in my infinite wisdom, I think that is what makes me who I am. Without all the twists and turns I think that I would be bored out of my mind! It will get better. We are almost out of the screaming phase (fingers crossed!), and every day that amazing little boy does something even better than the day before. It might be a while before I can go to the bathroom alone again or get a full night of sleep, but it's worth it and it always will be. I just have to remember that it is OK to take a little time for myself every once in a while.