Remembering a Local Family this November

In 2005, Bernice Medlock "started not knowing her children, and that's something that just hurts your heart," her daughter Rose Medlock said.

"I can remember going to the grocery store with her, and she would say, 'I need bread and milk and bananas.'

"How can she remember that, but not remember who I am?" Rose, now 53, said.

Bernice had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, the most common form of dementia. Dementia is a general term for memory loss and other intellectual abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life.

Bernice claimed her forgetfulness was the result of having a brain tumor removed. But the doctor assured the family this was not the case.

Bernice experienced other changes as well. She became confused. She had anger tantrums. At first, she talked more than she used to, but after a few years, she lost the ability to communicate entirely.

When she talked about her five "children," who were all adults, she spoke as if they were little kids. When she couldn't find them in the house, she thought her husband, Bob, had let them out. So she went to look for them.

Afraid that she would leave the house at night during one of these attempts, Bob made the difficult decision of putting her in a nursing home near their home in Sikeston, Mo. in 2007.

"I went to see her twice a day," Bob, now 76, said. "Every time I'd go see her, she'd want to come home, of course, but after a while, that was all in the past."

Bernice ended up in a total of four different nursing homes and two hospitals. Even when she was moved to a nursing home in New Madrid, Mo., Bob visited her as often as he could, at least every other day.

"God gave him a lot more patience than we thought he ever had," Rose said. "He did an amazing job with her 'til her last breath."

Bernice passed away at the age of 74 on Feb. 2, 2010.

"I never realized what a terrible, terrible disease Alzheimer's was," Bob said. "And I just hate to even hear the word. I hate to hear that anybody has Alzheimer's because, in my opinion, it's the worst disease there is."

"It's like daddy had said: You lose them twice," Rose said. "You lose them when they don't know who you are anymore, and then you lose them in death.

"It just breaks your heart because you lose them piece by piece, day by day. And there's not a thing you can do."

According to the Alzheimer's Association, there are 5.3 million Americans with Alzheimer's disease, and someone develops the disease every 70 seconds. It is the sixth leading cause of death.

The exact cause of the disease is unknown, but conditions that might play a role include genetics and physiological factors, such as high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes.

Typically, Alzheimer's is diagnosed in adults aged 65 and older, but some individuals can be diagnosed as early as in their 30s, a condition known as early-onset or younger-onset Alzheimer's.

There is no cure for Alzheimer's, but by participating in Memory Walk, the Medlock family has done their part to ensure that programs and supportive services are available for local families touched by the disease.

The Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk® is the nation's largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer care, support and research. The 2010 Memory Walk was held on Saturday, September 18, at Cape County Park North and raised over $62,000 to support local programs and services, like the 2010 SEMO Caregiver Conference.

In honor of National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month, the Alzheimer's Association is offering a free Caregiver Conference from 1-4 p.m., on Friday, Nov. 19, at First General Baptist Church in Cape. This program will help caregivers learn how to maximize their loved ones existing strengths, minimize stress and alleviate boredom while creating moments of joy.

Bob said he attended programs offered by the Association a few years ago and appreciated the Association's "continual contact," as well as the opportunity to meet and talk with people who might have had similar experiences.

"I don't care who you talk to," Rose said. "They have some connection somewhere with someone who has Alzheimer's, whether it be their family member or a friend or a friend's relative."

About 9,600 southeast Missouri residents have Alzheimer's disease. In 2009, the Alzheimer's Association, St. Louis Chapter reached 859 people in southeast Missouri through its local family and community education programs and nine support groups.

Even today, Bob said he prays for others who have to be told their loved one has Alzheimer's, just as he prayed for his wife "every day, every night."

"We were married 55 years," Bob said. "Would've been 56 last June if she'd still been living. Just having her with me is what I miss most. Even when she went in the (nursing) home, her absence is the thing that bothered me most of all."

Rose said she misses "just being able to talk to her and hug her and tell her I love her. And have her tell me she loves me."

Although Bernice "forgot" who her children were, Rose remembers visiting her mom in the nursing home after she was first admitted.

Bernice was sitting in the dining room and watched closely as Rose walked toward her. When Rose got there, Bernice looked at her and said, "You're somebody I know."

"I sure am," Rose answered.

"I love you."

"Yes, you do."

"She didn't know who I was," Rose said. "But she knew I was somebody that she loved."

The Alzheimer's Association mission is to eliminate Alzheimer's disease through the advance of research, to provide and enhance care and support for all affected, and to reduce the risk of dementia through the promotion of brain health. Its vision is a world without Alzheimer's disease. For information or support, call the Alzheimer's Association, St. Louis Chapter 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900, or visit its web site at www.alzstl.org.

Event Information:

What: Alzheimer's Association 2010 SEMO Caregiver Conference

When: Friday, Nov. 19, 2010

Where: First General Baptist Church, 1812 Cape LaCroix Rd., Cape Girardeau, MO 63701

To register: www.alzstl.org or 314.801.0452