Taking a dog named 'Shark' to beach is a very bad idea

Associated Press

With the election chaos this week, I figured we could all use a little humor. And what better place to turn to than The Scout, the local daily e-mail that brings you good news about food, music, events and people in our area. Not familiar with it? Check it out at the website, thescoutdaily.com.

The Scout newsletter is all about connecting people to the good things taking place in Southeast Missouri, especially in Cape Girardeau and Jackson. No negative news. Just the happy stuff. With a particular focus on music and new restaurants.

The Scout also scouts out the Internet (yes, that's one of the reasons for its name) for upbeat news -- and unique thoughts. And on Fridays the newsletter has a regular feature called "Handwashing Thoughts," which are peculiar observations about life that cause a person to think -- and laugh. They're called "Handwashing," because they're something to think about while washing your hands, as we do so often in this time of Covid. Not too deep. Not long. Just enough to cause pause.

The Scout credits Reddit for many of them. Here are some, carefully curated, from the past few months. Enjoy!

1. There is a certain point in everyone's life where "How high can you count?" changes from a matter of knowledge to a matter of will.

2. A penny saved is actually better than a penny earned because the penny saved has already been taxed.

3. Thanks, grocery delivery services. DiGiorno can now actually be delivery.

4. People who don't signal in traffic are people who are literally not willing to lift a finger to help cooperate.

5. An acceptable appetizer for pizza is pizza with no sauce and cut differently.

6. You know a person in a movie is important when they step out of a car and you see their shoe first.

7. Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.

8. I used to think my parents did pizza and a movie on Friday nights to be fun, but now I know they were just tired.

9. The degree to which one hates mosquitoes is typically based on how much mosquitoes love them.

10. City people think country people all talk funny and have guns. Country people think city people all talk funny and have guns.

11. The most apologetic people are normally the people who have done the least wrong.

12. Cling wrap can stick to itself or not stick to itself but only does what you don't want.

13. You can know someone for years and not know what color their eyes are.

14. The saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" is the most paradoxical statement to mosquitoes.

15. A microwave oven is an impractical, but effective, metal detector.

16. Seems awfully suspicious that melting frozen yogurt does not give you yogurt.

17. Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

18. No one ever announces when it's their first rodeo.

19. Hogwarts' assignments on 3 or 4 feet of parchment seem really long until you realize that the length of a typical sheet of paper is 11.7 inches. Harry constantly complained about writing a 4-page essay.

20. You can tell what percentage of a Pringle's can a stranger has eaten by the angle they are holding the can.

21. Fewer people would buy a lottery ticket if the rule was "pick a number between 1 and 300 million. If you guess right, you win."

22. If Transformers mimic vehicles to blend in, a beige Corolla or Ford F-150 would make more sense, instead of a yellow Camaro or semi-truck.

23. Maybe your dog's favorite toy is actually what they think your favorite toy is which is why they always bring it to you.

24. Saying 'cool' makes you blow cool air, and saying 'hot' makes you exhale hot air.

25. Simon Says taught us how frustrating it is to deal with a bureaucrat.

26. Birds probably do more people watching than people do bird watching.

27. The bigger the boat, the less likely the owner is the captain.

28. Jellyfish can both float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.

29. If Ariel thought forks were combs, then she must've thought her dad ruled the ocean with a Giant Hairbrush.

30. A handgun is different from a finger gun, which is different from a nail gun.

31. Camping is more of an exercise in planning than in surviving, unless planned very poorly.

32. A sleeping bag is also a snake onesie.

33. Technically, the biggest difference between surfing and snowboarding is just the temperature of the water.

34. Finding a spider is better than losing one.

35. Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

I hope you enjoyed these "thoughts." Sign up at thescoutdaily.com for more. And share this column with friends via Facebook to bring a little amusement to their lives.

Meanwhile, it's a great time to renew our commitment to respect, faith, good humor and the American spirit. Supporting each other, especially in times of duress, is what makes America shine! Be kind to others. And, if you have your own "Handwashing Thoughts," add them to the commentary online.

Jon K. Rust is publisher of the Southeast Missourian.