Satire: Welcome to Silicon Cape

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Who would have thought that Cape Girardeau would become a hotbed for startup companies? This curmudgeon never saw it coming, that's for sure.

Tech companies are now lining the Broadway corridor hoping to grab a little of that sweet, sweet startup funding.

Here's a look at the some of the new companies that may -- or may not -- be coming to "Silicon Cape."

MediShare: Surgery sharing

Uber pioneered the concept of ride sharing by creating an app that delivers taxi services without actually running taxis. Now a local start-up intends to apply the same concept to health care.

A few days ago, I found myself sharing an elevator with one of the MediShare co-founders who proceeded to deliver an elevator pitch.

"The next time you need elective surgery, you can cut your costs in half by arranging to share your surgery suite and recovery room with another patient who also needs surgery! You won't believe how much you can save!"

I know I'm looking forward to a brave new world where a $50,000 surgery can be had for only $25,000. Such a bargain!

Satisfire: Customer service for customer service

Everybody hates dealing with customer service or tech support. But what if you could hire somebody to deal with customer service for you? That's the concept behind Satisfire.

The company founder recently conducted a demo of the process. "Let's say I need to resolve a billing problem with my cable company. Normally I would rather gouge my eyes out, but with Satisfire all I need to do is launch the app and provide a few details about my situation."

"Next, a Satisfire agent, either human or AI, will call the cable company, wait on hold as long as it takes, and then will use the right code-words to get the problem fixed. It's just that simple."

Somehow, I doubt it's really that simple. For one thing, the app crashed during the demo, prompting the presenter to mutter something about needing to contact tech support again.

Hashr: Twitter killer

Ivanna B. Ritch, the co-founder of Hashr, believes that Twitter is going in the wrong direction by expanding the size of tweets.

"With our patent-pending social media platform, all posts are limited to only a single hashtag," he said. "I, for one, do not have time to wade through long-winded tweets. Our #system makes #online #communications so much #easier. We really hope #President #Trump will #embrace it."

With a slogan of "#ChangingTheWorldOneHashTagAtATime", the service is expected to begin beta testing next month. I, for one, am #not excited about it.

Amazon consulate

Although not a new company, Amazon has announced plans to launch a radically new concept: opening a series of consulates around the world. Rumors suggest that Cape Girardeau, conveniently located within the Amazon Web Services us-east-2 region, is on the shortlist to land one of these offices.

Amazon is now larger and more powerful than many sovereign nations. To solidify its clout, the Amazon consulates would facilitate diplomatic relations and trade negotiations with smaller entities such as Missouri. These offices would also help resolve issues for Prime citizens (previously known as Prime members).

It probably won't be long before other powerful forces including Google, Facebook, and Oprah follow suit.