Letter to the Editor

Here's the real reason for the smog

Friday, April 29, 2005

To the editor:

A while back, the news media reported that "cows in California contribute to the smog condition because they burp." I thought about all those buffalo that once roamed from Kentucky to the Western plains and down into Texas. Millions and millions of buffalo must have burped, and the smog must have been thicker than a rainy April day in Gipsy.

Now there is an increase in caribou on Alaska's North Slope, compliments of the Alaska oil pipeline. These bovine must be contributing to the smog and the ice melt.

The real cause for the smog -- I hope I don't insult your sensibilities or cause the environmentalists to go off the deep end -- was kids back in the 1950s who burped the alphabet and played "Pull My Finger." This tradition has been handed down from generation to generation and is a right of passage into puberty. On behalf of all those teenagers who have gone on before, I apologize for causing the smog.