Plan by Williams' son is just cold

Running off at the keyboard:

We can only hope the judge rules that the remains of Ted Williams will be cremated instead of frozen at a cryonics lab. Otherwise, we'll have to start calling him "Teddy Icebox." Or the "Sh-sh-sh-shivery Splinter."

I don't know why in the world Allen Iverson and his wife are having marital problems. I mean, what woman wouldn't want to be with a man who, when he gets angry, goes looking for her with a 9mm Glock?

And remember when his apologists used to say Iverson was just hanging out with the wrong people. The fact is Iverson is the wrong people.

I guess Dale Jarrett won't be getting any sponsorship money from the American Bar Association after the ambulance actually had to chase him following a wreck in last Saturday's Pepsi 400.

Stephen Wright: "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"

In theaters now, the new movie starring Bud Selig and Donald Fehr: The Road to Perdition.

David Letterman on the all-star game: "They ran out of pitchers? That never stopped the Devil Rays."

Jay Leno on the all-star game: "You know they went through 60 athletes in one night. That hasn't been done since Madonna's last world tour."

Felix Trinidad says he's retiring from boxing at age 29. If you believe that, I have a couple of thousand shares of ImClone I'll sell you.

Speaking of stock scandals, did you catch President Bush's explanation of what exactly happened with his controversial sale of 212,140 shares of Harken Energy? The prez said, "I still haven't figured it out completely." Hey, isn't that the same thing Rich DeVos said after Shaq left?

Could we please have a moment of silence for the passing of Rod Steiger, who once said: "The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame." Unless, of course, you're Bud Selig.

Mike Bianchi is a columnist for the Orlando Sentinel.