Cowboys hope to be saved by a tuna

In Dallas they're already making shirts that read: "Dude, we're getting a tuna." And Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is hoping Bill Parcells can save the Cowboys like Steve saved Dell.

Of course, there are different varieties of tuna. Smoked, baked, grilled yellow fin tuna, canned Star Kist tuna or tuna salad on wheat. The list goes on like Bubba's shrimp recipes.

There are different varieties of Parcells, too. There's the 14-2 Giants who won a Super Bowl under Parcells in 1987. The Parcells that had 10 winning seasons over three different NFL teams. Or the 8-8 Jets of 1999 that ended Parcells' recent coaching tenure. After Parcells sought more control over personnel.

The first is the side Jerry Jones is hoping he hooked, the latter the side America is hoping for. America is secretly hoping America's team implodes right in Jones' weasel-like face. Just like all the rest.

Chan Gailey, Barry Switzer, Jimmy Johnson and Dave Campo each had their shots. Some came away with Super Bowls and others left empty-handed. But all have one thing in common: each tasted Jones' impatience. Now Jones wants a taste of the tuna.

Will Parcells and Jones become a tandem and co-exist? Good question. A better one is -- how?

Check the back of the tuna can in your cabinet. It should say it's Dolphin safe (which is where two of the above coaches found jobs after the Cowboys) and ego-free.

I've read the label on the Jones' can and I know how this one ends.

While you're reading, check this label to see how your week ends:

Tuesday

If you want to see how Top 10 college basketball is played, visit St. Louis. St. Louis University hosts No. 9 Marquette at 7:10 p.m. Marquette features high-flyer Dwyane Wade, who is not only a sensational rebounder (6.1 per game) but a scorer (24.9 per game). Not bad for a junior guard, is it?

A few teams didn't have to wait long. They get their first crack at revenge just one week after the seMissourian Christmas Tournament. Notre Dame travels to Charleston in the championship grudge match. Kelly bounced Advance in the first round of the tournament and now must visit Advance. Do you think the Bulldogs and Hornets remember? Both games start at 7:30 p.m.

Thursday

They say wrestling is on the rise in this area. But it depends on who you talk to. WWF doesn't count. Well, this is for all the loyal wrestling fans. Sikeston visits Cape Girardeau to tangle with Central at 6 p.m.

Friday

This one is for Central basketball coach Derek McCord, who recently pronounced his loyalty for the Grizzlies. These two teams could be two of the most exciting teams to watch next year (kind of like McCord's Tigers). Both the Grizzlies and the Clippers, like the Central Tigers, are talented but young. 7 p.m.

Saturday

Missouri starts Big 12 Conference play at home and begins against the Bears of Baylor. For some reason Mizzou has had trouble against the Bears in the past but they're at home, no sweat. 6 p.m.

David Wilson is a student at Central high school and a sportswriter for the Southeast Missourian. His column "The Week Ahead" appears every Monday.