The Best Books Club: The Year of Living Danishly

Irony is my guilty pleasure. It certainly was ironic, then, that midway through “The Year of Living Danishly” by Helen Russell, I was disappointed and confused, like the author was after she moves to Denmark with her husband “Lego Man.”

My disappointment, though, was for a different reason. Despite the fact that neither the people who recommended this book nor the reviews I read before choosing it for The Best Books Club led me to do so, I expected to find in this book 12 chapters explaining how the reader — me — could live more Danishly.

Having read about an overwhelming number of studies that support the claim the Danes are the happiest people on earth, I was excited about learning how I, too, could be not just happy, but “happiest-in-the-world” happy.

In the first chapter, that expectation was met — somewhat. Russell began with an essay on hygge — “cosey time” — in the home.

But I read on, and when Russell lamented the more laid-back work week, I was puzzled. I mean, who wouldn’t love to work 34 hours or less for 40 hours’ pay? As she talked about language difficulties and being chastised about her failure to properly sort recyclables, I began to feel not just disappointed, but cheated.

Where were the steps that, if followed, would render me happiest-in-the-world happy? I mean, 2020 was a rough year for most of us, with 2021 and 2022 proving to be only slightly improved. I wanted the formula for happy, darn it, and I wanted it in time for 2023!

After a lifetime of relying on books for whatever I was seeking — knowledge, escape, relaxation, etc. — this one was failing me.

I put it aside and watched several episodes of “Midsomer Murders.” Watching Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby solve crimes in the fictional English county of Midsomer always makes me happy, so I whiled away a few hours, munching cookies and sipping hot chocolate.

Suddenly, I realized the irony of the situation. A book about the happiest people on Earth wasn’t making me at all happy!

Of course, the textbook explanation is that unmet expectations are a key cause of unhappiness. My experience with the book was akin to a woman removing brightly-colored wrapping paper, hoping to find tickets to a concert she hinted about incessantly, only to find a bottle of perfume she doesn’t even like.

So, what’s the answer? If unrealized expectation causes unhappiness, do we just give up? Expect only the worst so we’re never again disappointed?

Not at all! Instead of abandoning expectations altogether, I believe it’s best to expect wonderful, delightful things. But instead of clutching those expectations tightly, refusing to let go when they’re not met, the key is to hold them loosely. To release them without regret when what is inside the box, so to speak, is not what we expected and to enjoy what is there.

To download all of the songs recorded by the group whose concert we won’t be attending, turn up the volume, spritz on the perfume and dance around the room with wild abandon.

I refreshed my mug of hot chocolate — adding a splash of Bailey’s — and selected a few more cookies. I opened “The Year of Living Danishly” and began reading … and thoroughly enjoyed Russell’s and Lego Man’s adventures in the happiest place on Earth.

We will sit down for a Facebook Live chat about “The Year of Living Danishly” Feb. 14 at 4:30 p.m. See you then.

__Some topics we’ll discuss:__

1. What, in general, is happiness? What does it look like to you, personally?

2. What was the most surprising “happiness factor” for you?

3. There’s an emphasis on both personal freedom and collective trust in Denmark and in the author’s discussion about happiness. Do you agree these elements are important to happiness?

4. The author offers 10 tips for living Danishly at the end of the book. Do you plan to implement any of them?

5. What perhaps less-thought-of ways, other than those the author shares, have you found to create happiness in your own life?

__Looking ahead__

Our next selection is the delightfully quirky “The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie” by Alan Bradley, the first in a series of 10 mysteries to date featuring protagonist Flavia de Luce. Flavia is a “delightful, intrepid, acid-tongued” (Chicago Sun-Times) 11-year-old lover of chemistry and an amateur sleuth who lives in a moldering mansion with her father and two older sisters. This is, without a doubt, one of my all-time favorite mysteries!

Patti Miinch, a resident of Cape Girardeau, is an author, mother and mother-in-law of two, grandmother of three and retired educator; while she has many loves, spending time with her family, sports, travel and reading top the list.