The Best Books Club: Old Heart, New Joy

Occasionally, I happen upon a book that touches my soul; “Old Heart” by Peter Ferry is one of those books.

Ferry’s protagonist is 85-year-old Tom Johnson, a widower facing pressure from his two surviving children to sell the family home and move to an assisted living facility. In the year since the death of his oldest son, Tony, who had Down Syndrome and with whom Tom enjoyed a close relationship, Tom has frequently reflected on their relationship, as well as on his (largely) loveless marriage and often-unsatisfactory relationship with his daughter and other son. He has also spent considerable time thinking back to his brief relationship with the love of his life, a civilian Dutch female translator who assisted him in the Netherlands during WWII.

I don’t know if it was the act of retiring or the marking of my 60th birthday or a combination of the two, but several years ago, I found myself, like Tom, reflecting more frequently on my past.

And like Tom, one result of those “walks down memory lane” has been regret. For opportunities squandered, for things said and left unsaid, for things done and left undone, for relationships that faded away or that were abruptly severed, for lifelong dreams unfulfilled.

I don’t think Tom and I are alone in that respect. I would dare to say that upon reaching a pivotal point in their life — the death of a spouse, a certain milestone age, retirement, etc. — that starkly reminds them of their mortality, 99.9% of people begin to ruminate about their life and experience at least some regret.

And it is what they do as a result of that regret that makes all of the difference to the remainder of their life.

Some people will square their shoulders and mutter an internal “Oh, well, that’s in the past,” or stick their heads in the sand at the first twinges of regret, ignoring it completely. Others will wallow in it; some might, unfortunately, even sink into clinical depression.

Tom’s reaction to regret captured my attention and kept me reading far into the night. He takes the proverbial bull by the horns, and with unflinching honesty and eyes wide open, does all he can to rectify past mistakes.

Like Tom, I’ve made concentrated efforts these past few years to address my own regrets. I’ve reached out to people I’ve wronged, apologizing and making amends where possible. I’ve also come to terms with some old — and more recent, unfortunately — hurts, walking away from a couple of toxic relationships. I’ve attempted to realize some lifelong dreams such as traveling around the country, taking a class at the John C. Campbell Folk School and knitting a sweater. Most importantly, I’ve focused on my spiritual life, making changes that have impacted every aspect of my life.

It hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve found facing regrets head-on and addressing them brings amazing peace and joy.

More than a few pages of my copy of “Old Heart” bear highlighted passages or my own neatly-written marginal comments, and I know I will refer back to them and to the novel as a whole in the future, in order to remind myself of the importance of properly addressing regrets.

But just as importantly, I will reference the novel to remind myself to not just get through, but to live to the fullest, today and every day to come.

__A few questions we’ll discuss at our June 6* Facebook Live chat in The Best Books Facebook Group at 4:30 p.m. are:__

1. How far would you go to put to rest unresolved issues from your past?

2. How can we best continue to live on our own terms as we encounter the effects of aging?

3. If we’re honest, all of us have at least some regrets as we look back at our lives. In what ways can any such regrets serve a useful purpose?

4. Is it ever too late to realize a dream — or, at least, to try to do so?

5. In the novel, Tom says, “I’ve long known that it’s the not-so-grand things that make life worth living: a cup of pea soup … a new friend, an old memory … a warm fire on a cold day … putting one word after another.” Do you agree?

__Up Next__

We’re going to shake things up a bit for next month. Instead of choosing a specific book, I am issuing a challenge. Before our July 11 chat on Facebook Live, read a book that meets one of the following criteria:

1. Has been in your To Be Read (TBR) pile — either your physical pile or the “stack” on your e-reader — for the longest time

or

2. Is one you have “always” wanted or meant to read but haven’t yet purchased or checked out from the library.

I’m looking forward to discussing these books in our The Best Years Facebook Group throughout the month. Thanks in advance for the book recommendations!

Patti Miinch, a resident of Cape Girardeau, is an author, mother and mother-in-law of two, grandmother of three and retired educator; while she has many loves, spending time with her family, sports, travel and reading top the list.

*This month, due to a scheduling conflict, we'll talk about the book on the first Tuesday of the month instead of the second.