Families of Alzheimer's patients take advantage of time they have left

Melanie Middleton recently took a family vacation to Myrtle Beach, S.C., to spend time with the important people in her life. Her father, David Mehler, has a difficult time remembering the vacation one month later.

"You have to show him pictures from the vacation to jolt his memory," said Middleton, a Jackson resident. "He has a hard time remembering just that, and it's upsetting since we had such a good time."

Mehler can remember a vacation he took when he was 5 years old with clarity. This and several other signs are clear indicators of his struggle with Alzheimer's disease.

In 2007 Mehler started noticing he was having trouble with day-to-day tasks, and he couldn't take care of himself as well anymore.

"It was small signs at first," Middleton said. "His short-term memory was off, he was forgetting everything -- things he was always on top of and never had a problem with. I think when he started having trouble balancing the checkbook or not paying the bills is when my mother started noticing something was off."

Mehler was diagnosed in 2008 with Alzheimer's, at the age of 65.

Mehler was the caretaker for his mother for 25 years as she suffered from Alzheimer's. Witnessing the time and care Mehler put into supporting his own mother, Middleton said she became determined to do the same for her parents.

"I've got great parents who have always taken very good care of me and my family," she said. "I want to do the same for them."

Middleton said her father's diagnosis has really taken a toll on her mother, who just turned 64 and still works full time. He struggles now with everyday tasks, such as changing a light bulb.

Suzanne Mehler, Middleton's mother, said she has a wonderful support group of neighbors in her O'Fallon, Mo., neighborhood, who check in on her husband while she is at work. She said as her husband learns more about Alzheimer's, he is not ashamed to let others know what's going on.

David Mehler and his daughter Melanie Middleton together on a family vacation. (Submitted photo)

"I thought he would be ashamed," Suzanne Mehler said. "But he tells me to tell others to make sure they know he has Alzheimer's. People are really kind to him."

He is still able to run small errands, going to the bank or the grocery store, Suzanne Mehler said, and all the bank tellers know who he is and understand what's going on.

However, he still calls her throughout the day for help on simple things, such as to ask what time it is.

"He forgets that he can open his cell phone and look at the time," she said. "The numbers are gone, but he can still read. I hope he holds on to that for a long time."

Medicine seems to help Mehler hold onto to himself, but Middleton said it makes him tired during the day and effects "sundowning," where a patient becomes more confused at night.

Despite the side effects, the medicine seem to have slowed down the progression of his disease.

"He goes every month for a checkup, and at the last one, he tested the same things he was tested on a year ago and there was no change," Middleton said. "The medicine has helped to slow it down, which is good, because there's no turning back. It's a downhill [disease], you hate to say. The medicine slows it down as long as it can."

One of the biggest things David Mehler struggles with now is putting his thoughts into words.

"That's what's really frustrating to himself," Middleton said. "He laughs and calls it pathetic, but I wonder how much frustration his mind is really going through."

So far, the aggression and violence many Alzheimer's patients exhibit has not taken a dominant role in Mehler's struggle. He became upset when he visited the bank one day. Suzanne Mehler writes notes for the tellers because Mehler struggles to remember why he is at the bank once he gets there. The note instructed the teller to give him cash, but Mehler was not prepared to receive cash and became upset. He wouldn't accept the cash until the teller called his wife and had her explain the situation to him.

"At the time, it wasn't funny," Middleton said. "But now it kind of is. He refused to take the money. [You have to] bring a lot of laughter in it. If you don't, you'll totally lose it sometimes."

Based on this mindset, Middleton became involved with the Alzheimer's Association and became more educated on the disease after her father was diagnosed.

"There's no way I could sit back and not become active," Middleton said. "A lot of people don't like to talk about the disease, but the more I open up, the more resources and connections I have."

She has worked with the Alzheimer's Association and put together "David's Dream Team" for the Memory Walk on Sept. 18 in Cape Girardeau. She wants to become educated so when Alzheimer's affects other families, they can reach out to her and seek advice.

"It's not like cancer," Middleton said. "Unless you're affected by it, you don't really take a role in it. When it comes to Alzheimer's, you don't hear anything. I don't think people realize how many are affected by the disease. [Victims are] not going to get any better; they're going to wake up one day and don't even know who they are. You're never prepared, I don't think, but the day will come. I think that will be the hardest part, when they don't remember who they are."

Middleton does not want her father to end up in a nursing home and hopes for her family to be able to care for him as long as possible. In the meantime, they endure one day at a time.

"He has a wonderful outlook about it, hasn't been depressed," Suzanne said. "He's more of a jokester than he's ever been."

Suzanne Mehler said attending support groups sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association has helped them "tremendously," and his suffering from the disease has brought their family closer together. He can still remember all the names and faces of his three children and several grandchildren.

"It's hard to see someone who has taken care of themselves all these years struggle with a disease that takes their full mentality," Middleton said.