Column: Senior Moments, Living Like a Lizard

I started my chaotic summer just weeks ago on a mission trip to New Orleans. I had a blast meeting new people, serving the poor and playing with the color-changing lizards I found around me. During this trip, I’ve decided I’m going to live this summer with the joy of someone who is completely and totally free. In doing so, I’ve run into one obstacle: the inconsistency of life.

As of now, I’m living in the middle. My time in high school has passed, and I’m still awaiting my college years. I’m on the cusp of my adulthood, one could say. The only thing I truly know about the rest of my life at this point is that I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

Reflecting on the changes I’m about to undergo, I’ve realized my whole life, I’ve been changing. Really, we all have. We’ve evolved from our infancy, and we can now walk and talk. We can make our own decisions and believe in our own dreams. We have the capability to be humans. We have become people who grow and develop.

Oftentimes, through our aging and maturing, we wish we would just stay the same. We resist the wrinkles, scars and mistakes that come with a life well-lived. Perhaps, we are afraid of losing the one person we truly understand: ourselves. Although I am young, I’ve come to know one of the most beautiful qualities of life is that it isn’t permanent. The good and bad times can be summed up in a four-word phrase: “This, too, shall pass.”

A friend of mine from the mission trip Operation Overhaul handed me the first lizard I’ve ever held. He told me later on, “If God can create a lizard that changes colors, what can he do with you?” I knew in my heart then that whatever “change” meant specifically in my life, I wanted it. I want to work, learn and dream new dreams. I want to make friends, write stories and love unapologetically. I want to experience life to the fullest.

I am where I am now, because four years ago, I started high school with an open mind, and more importantly, an open heart. In doing so, I’ve become someone who isn’t restrained. I’ve learned change isn’t about letting go of the past, it’s about giving up control of the future and leaning on the hope you have that you will be exactly who you were born to be.

So, here I am. I’m just a regular person who does regular things. While I’m sad the Erin I knew for the past 18 years is different from the Erin I am now, I can have peace in the fact that while life, looks, emotions and experiences are temporary, my love is permanent. Wherever I spend my days, however I spend them, I know when I change, the love in my heart won’t.

So, change over and over again. Try new things. Go to new places. Love new people. Don’t be afraid. Whoever you become, know you will be enough, simply because you are you.

Erin Urhahn is a 2023 graduate of Oak Ridge High School. She's just a girl trying to find her niche in the world.