Baby Steps: What no one tells you about breast-feeding

"Breast is best" and "Breast-feeding is best feeding" are just a few of the popular slogans used to promote breast-feeding by nurses, lactation specialists, bloggers and breast-feeding groups. They are encouraging to breast-feeding moms, but they are also discouraging for those moms who either can't or chose not to breast-feed.

You don't hear slogans that promote formula-feeding or formula supplementation for those mommies who can't make enough milk to appease a hungry infant. Because of the extreme focus on breast-feeding in today's culture, there aren't the support groups for bottle-feeding mommies that there are for breast-feeding ones.

How you feed your baby is your choice. Whether you chose breast-feeding or formula-feeding, no one should tell you what to do or be judgmental of the choice you made in the interest of you and your baby. The truth is, that just isn't the case.

If you haven't guessed by now, I formula-feed my daughter. I made this choice not because I'm against breast-feeding, but because I was not able to produce what my daughter needed to be healthy. I tried breast-feeding with both of my children and was unsuccessful both times.

Breast-feeding with Cooper was one of the worst experiences of my life. You go into breast-feeding believing it is the only way to feed your child, that it is a beautiful natural thing, that it is easy because it comes naturally to you and your child. The truth is it can be difficult; you and your baby both must learn what to do with those huge milk jugs -- and it hurts.

No one tells you just how painful breast-feeding can be. Each person is different, but for me, it was agonizing. Cooper could not figure out what he was doing, and neither could I. As I was crying, asking for help from the lactation specialist and bleeding in places a women should never bleed, I kept getting told to keep at it and we would both get the hang of it.

Two weeks after Cooper was born, I came down with a 105-degree fever. I thought I had the flu, but it wouldn't go away. I finally called the doctor, and when I came in for my appointment, she knew exactly what was wrong with me. I had mastitis, an infection in my breast due to improper latching by Cooper when he fed.

No one had told me that infection was a possibility. Every time I called the lactation specialist and cried about how it hurt, and how my son ate every 90 minutes, and how I was bleeding nonstop, I was told to tough it out and this, too, shall pass. I can't tell you how many times I was told it would get better. The problem was, it didn't.

My doctor was the first one to tell me it was OK. She told me my health and sanity were most important, because without me, where would Cooper be? She told me I could still be a good mom and formula-feed my baby. That was the first time I had heard that from anyone. I was used to feeling inadequate if I even suggested formula-feeding. After that, I went on antibiotics to clear up my infection and switched Cooper over to formula. After that, we were both much happier.

When discussing how we were going to go about feeding Felicity, my husband and I talked about all the options, made lists and researched everything. Because this was my second time and I had more information, I decided to exclusively pump. There was still a stigma with formula-feeding. In our research, everything pointed us to breast-feeding, unless the website was run by one of the formula manufacturers. I wanted to give Felicity the best nutrition I could, but I'm not going to lie, I was terrified of getting sick again. The pain, the uncomfortableness -- it was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

My mom bought us a nice pump and all the extras, and we took it to the hospital with us for the birth. When I told Felicity's nurse that I wanted to exclusively pump, she was understanding, but that didn't stop her from giving me that "look." The look that says, "I can't believe you aren't going to breast-feed this adorable gift from God, but at least you aren't using formula." The lactation specialist came in and showed me how to use my pump and told me to keep at it, even if nothing came out, because without Felicity's saliva, it could take a bit longer for my milk to come in.

I went home full of confidence. I pumped every two hours every single day for four days until my milk came in. By day six, I was a milk machine! I had never felt anything like it before. I felt this sense of accomplishment, a sense of purpose. It clicked -- so this is what those huge boobs are for! I still got looks, but when I told people it was breast milk, a huge smile came across their face and their eyes would glow -- that "Finally, there is a mom doing her job" glow.

And then, when Felicity was 3 weeks old, I woke up in the middle of the night freezing and shaking with chills. It was déjà vu. Here I was, back in the same place I was almost four years ago, with the same symptoms: I had mastitis again. By the time Max's alarm went off for work that morning, I was in so much pain I couldn't even get out of bed by myself.

As I walked into the doctor's office, I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably. I thought because I was pumping that I was safe, that I could give Felicity what society told me she needed most, but still be safe from another infection.

The doctor confirmed my fears and told me that once you get mastitis there is a 75 percent chance you will get it again, whether you are pumping or breast-feeding. So, again with the severe pain and antibiotics. The only good thing was that this time I knew what was happening, and I caught it sooner, so only one breast was infected. My doctor told me to keep pumping if I wanted, but that it was my choice.

It was so good to hear that: my choice. With both of my babies, it had never really felt like my choice. I was made to feel that to formula-feed was a death sentence for my kids. I was told my kids wouldn't be smart, they would be sickly, even that I was increasing their chances of getting cancer if I didn't breast-feed.

No one told me formula-fed babies get the same nutrients breast-fed babies do. I wasn't told that studies now say there really is no difference between breast-feeding and formula-feeding. I wasn't handed paperwork on how formula-feeding helps a baby bond not only with its mother, but also its father. No one explained how much simpler life was if you formula-fed.

Well, I am going to speak on behalf of those moms out there who are trying to decide how they will feed their baby, because no one spoke for me: there is more than just one option. Yes, breast-feeding has its benefits, but it also has its negative side, too. Formula is an option if you let it be. Don't let others bully you into making a decision you might not be comfortable with. Do what is best not only for your baby, but also for you. Most importantly, it is your choice -- not your doctor's, not a nurse's, not your child's doctor, but yours. Remember, you are a mother because you love and care for this amazing being that you made, not because you breast-feed.

Kristen Pind, a native of small-town Gower, Mo., came to Southeast Missouri State University with big dreams of being the next Katie Couric or Diane Sawyer. She never thought that in her 20s, she'd be married with two kids and living in Cape Girardeau. Keep up with Kristen's adventures as a young mom who's still trying to figure out how her own life fits together. Turns out, she's living a dream she never knew she had, and loving every minute of it. Kristen invites moms of all types to find her "Baby Steps" page on Facebook.