Vanishing dollar: ‘New Math' at River City's city hall

Remember the extra dollar a month the city was planning to give us? Remember?

The city, just a while ago, said our municipal infrastructure could stand to forgo a dollar a month in sewer charges. When I heard that, I got pretty excited. Careful stewardship of this dollar would produce, I predicted, untold benefits.

Now we know what those benefits are. We get to use 85 percent of our windfall to pay for the 85-cent-a-month increase in trash-hauling rates.

What city hall giveth, city hall taketh away.

Does this sound like nickel-and-diming to you, too?

It doesn't matter how much our taxes and fees go up and down. Whenever they do, it makes us think about what the government takes from us in the name of the common good.

Look at the math. In the past few days we've been told sewer rates are coming down, trash rates are going up, city employees are getting raises (well-deserved, as far as I can tell) amounting to half a million dollars, and the city has cut $2 million from its spending plan for the next fiscal year.

Up, down. Up, down.

You all know how deadly journalism math is. Many reporters and editors work for newspapers because they can spell pretty well, but they can't do math worth squat. Unfortunately for news consumers, a lot of what we know about government math comes from stories written and massaged by folks who haven't a clue where the percentage point goes.

But, absent any gripes, from the money wizards at city hall, about this latest rash of dollars-and-cents reporting in the newspaper, I can only assume that what I'm reading is essentially correct.

Adding a dash of uncertainty to all these calculations is how much money the city will REALLY get from the casino, now that attendance and losses (which generate money for city and state) are settling down. No one at city hall wants to spend casino money on "operating" expenses, because those expenses have to be paid every year. So the scheme is to throw casino money at doodads -- things we only wished for before the casino opened. The problem is, the city has a lot of wishes. As my mother-in-law said: "Champagne tastes and beer-barrel pocketbook."

When I went to school, ‘rithmetic' was fairly straightforward. After the basics, I was exposed to some simple equations, and right away I knew I wasn't cut out for the intricacies of mathematics.

But when my children were in elementary school, I soon discovered -- as a parent who checked all homework -- that the teaching of ‘rithmetic had changed. Drastically.

I still have no clue what a "number tree" is. Multiplication tables? Antique relics. Counting by fives? You've got to be kidding.

So when I look at the elected and hired help at city hall, I have to wonder: Did they learn their numbers before or after New Math?

Finally, let me point out one more thing about city rate increases. When I came to Cape Girardeau 20 years ago, the city charter required voter approval of most fee increases. That was a real drag on budgeting, which was, no doubt, the intent from the get-go. Then we voted -- didn't we? -- to trust the city hall folks to adjust fees on their own.

See where we are?

As far as I know, 2 plus 2 is still 4, except in government work it appears to be closer to 4-ish.

And we haven't even decided yet what to do about the restaurant sales tax, which is expiring.

So, 2 plus 2 could wind up being closer to 5. Or 6.

Apparently, no one on the city council is a member of the tea party in good standing. Those folks think the only good tax increase is a goose egg. Zero. Nada. Nothing.

Folks, the city is increasing our taxes, pure and simple. Call it trash fees if you want.

And if the city can make a good case for raising our taxes, more power to those good folks. Recent exchanges at city council meetings, however, indicate our elected mathematicians aren't on the same page yet. I bet most Cape Girardeans aren't, either.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.