The one where Matthew Perry determines his legacy

Since Matthew Perry died last week, I've seen countless clips in my social media feed of his work as Chandler Bing on "Friends." But snippets of a recent interview have also been circulating. In November 2022, Perry was a guest on "Q with Tom Power." He was promoting his memoir, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing." Perry told the show host, "When I die, I know people will talk about 'Friends,' 'Friends,' 'Friends.' And I'm glad of that, happy I've done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the World Wide Web ... but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if 'Friends' were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won't happen, but it would be nice."

Every time I see that interview quoted in my feed, I think of my wise and good friend Chuck Keller. In a recent interview of his own on the podcast "Learning from Across the Table," he said, "it is not up to me to determine my legacy, it's up to everybody else."

Perry's sobriety gave his life purpose. In the end, his life had become more about paying it forward and supporting others as they found peace with their own demons of addiction. That's the memory he hoped to solidify, and I do think that legacy is there for him. It lives on in the lives he changed and the people he connected with one-on-one. The Perry House in Malibu, which is a sober-living facility for men, is his living testament to the work that meant so much to him in recent years. However, I don't believe that everyone has one singular legacy. Especially if they lived in the public eye.

Our legacy is, after all, about the people we have touched. Our lives and our presence mean something different to every person we encounter. And it's not up to us.

If you are a public figure, your legacy for the most part will be about the work that made you famous, the work that parachuted you into the lives of everyday people. The world will remember Matthew Perry as the troubled soul who will forever live in our hearts as Chandler Bing. Miss Chanandler Bong. Could there BE any other way?

But for the people who worked alongside him, loved him, were loved by him and were saved by him in his final years of sobriety, his legacy will look very different. As it should. Just like my friend Chuck said, his legacy is not his choice. And just like my mother taught me, we live on in our good deeds. Whether or not for Perry that means through the laughter he will continue to bring those watching his comedic genius or through the lives that are better because he was there as an essential source of sober support.

I, for one, am grateful that Matthew Perry lived to write his truth. To share his story. Not everyone gets that chance. His memoir was an incredible parting gift to his fans. We will all remember him and treasure what his existence distinctly brought to each of our lives. And that, my friends, is precisely the point.