Take the challenge to find defiant joy

When was the last time you intentionally participated in something that would add joy to your life? When did you shun negativity in favor of the positive? Or do you see such conscious decisions as weird things weird people do? I invite you to take the challenges that were issued to me last week.

Last Monday was the first of a six-session study my friend Kristi is facilitating. It's called "Defiant Joy." One of the assignments we were given was to carve out 24 hours during which we spoke nothing negative at all. We were not to complain, grumble or criticize. We were, however, to speak words of joy and encouragement all day.

That seems rather simple, doesn't it? Of course, it doesn't. Let's be honest: How many of you would actually take on that challenge, much less succeed at it?

So did I succeed? Well, I wouldn't have gotten an A+, but I didn't fail. This exercise reminded me that being joyful is a decision. I must choose to focus on the positive. I must make a conscious effort to take control of what I say, which stems from what I allow myself to think. I already knew this to be true, but I saw it quite clearly last week.

See, if you know me, you're thinking, "Well, man, Adrienne! If anyone were to get an A+ on that assignment, it should be you. You work at home alone!" True. I do work at home, but I still engage with co-workers all day via technology, and I read, and I participate in social media, and I have neighbors, and I go to the grocery store and the list goes on. And y'all know there are a plethora of opportunities at Walmart alone to be negative!

But back to being home working: Like most people, I open my mouth to speak even when no one else is physically in the room. So my thoughts really jumped out at me throughout the 24 hours. Something negative would pop into my mind periodically. So one of my greatest take-aways from this experiment was to guard my thoughts; they eventually become my words, which eventually become my reality -- negative or positive, joyful or joy killers. I'm a rather joyful kind of person. Those who spend time with me will tell you that. I naturally veer to the positive, but I learned that there's still work to be done.

I also found myself doing a lot of this: thought in mind, mouth open, "Um, nope! ("Don't say it! Close your mouth, Adrienne!"), and back on track." So though I did not succeed from end to end of this 24-hour period, I did become aware of my focus, made conscious decisions to maintain my own joy and worked to not relinquish that control to a situation or individual. Society embraces the negative so readily. In fact, many prefer it. They're familiar with it. They nurse it. And they distrust others who resist it. You've heard it: "He's always so cheerful. What's his problem?" or She's always smiling. What's she hiding?"

The study also encouraged us to serve others. Why? Joy comes from reaching beyond ourselves and blessing others. We would be surprised what doing for others actually does for us. Who can you serve today?

Another aspect of the homework was called funwork. We were to take time this week to play. Playing isn't just for kids. Joy comes through having fun -- consciously. So what did I do? One thing I did was play Connect Four with a teenager. It's been forever since I've done that. Another thing I did -- now you'll really think I'm weird! -- is color. I never was good at it because I don't do artwork well, but with colored pencils and a simple coloring book, I did it for several days. I went from just doing something to get the "funwork" completed because I was told to do it to actually seeing why some do it often to relax and create. Here I am at my age, and I'm learning the joy of coloring! It's never too late.

Why am I sharing this? Joy doesn't just happen to us. We stir it up. Happiness comes and goes, and it's based on circumstances, but we need joy to remain. To do that, we have to take control of our thoughts, words and deeds. I received news of a loved one's death a few days ago. I am obviously not happy about that. But I can choose to have joy despite it.

As we have embarked on another week of political posturing and never-ending news, we get to decide how we will handle it all, what we will focus on and whom we will encourage. So with all that's going on in the world, I encourage you to take the challenge I did -- if, that is, you're up to it. (Shameless reverse psychology!)

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member. Contact her at aross@semissourian.com.