Strokes, testimony, headlines

Blood clots/stroke -- they now have a fourth indicator, the tongue.

STROKE: Remember the first three letters: S.T.R.

Stroke identification: During a barbecue, a woman, Jane, stumbled and took a little fall. She assured everyone that she was fine. Those around her offered to call paramedics. She said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. Others got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken, up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital and had passed away. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ.

Had those at the barbecue known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today.

Some stroke victims don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition.

It only takes a minute to read this: A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within three hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized and diagnosed and then getting the patient medically cared for within three hours, which is tough.

Recognizing a stroke: Thank God for the sense to remember the three steps, S.T.R. Read and learn. Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S -- Ask the individual to smile.

T -- Ask the person to talk and speak a simple sentence coherently (example: "It is sunny out today.")

R -- Ask him or her to raise both arms. If he or she has trouble with any one of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New sign of a stroke: Stick out your tongue. If the tongue is crooked, if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

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Too good not to share: These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts."

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?'

Attorney: And why did that upset you?

Witness: My name is Susan.

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

Witness: I forget.

Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something your forgot?

Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

Witness: We both do.

Attorney: Voodoo?

Witness: We do.

Attorney: You do?

Witness: Yes, voodoo.

Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Witness: He's 20, much like your IQ.

Attorney: She had three children, right?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: How many were boys?

Witness: None.

Attorney: Were there any girls?

Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?

Witness: By death.

Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?

Witness: Take a guess.

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Attorney: Was this a male or a female?

Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Attorney: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

Witness: Oral.

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.

Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

Witness: No.

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

Witness: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Witness: No.

Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

Witness: No.

Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

Witness: Yes, it is possible the he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Newspaper proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

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Gary Rust is the chairman of Rust Communications.