Reclaiming civic respect

Among the most shameful events of the midterm election season this year has been the rumor-mongering and conspiracy-theorizing about what lurid things could have led to the attack on Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's husband. A man was attacked in his home, by someone who wanted to attack his wife.

Instead of condemning the violence, some Republican politicians made jokes. Democrats, of course, made matters worse by blaming the violence on the right. How about we all turn down the temperature and see one another as human beings who have differences?

On the left, someone will counter that we on the Right are wrong on a whole host of fundamentals and have to get with the times. On the right, someone will explain the existential threat the Left poses to America. We need to have some significant substantive debates that impact lives, including those of the most vulnerable. And we have to insist on actually listening to each other, or will never convince anyone of anything.

Alan Sears founded the Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF), one of the leaders in promoting and defending religious freedom. The Thursday before Election Day, while being honored by the Religious Freedom Institute, Sears shared his convictions, which could help make a more sane and tolerant world.

In talking about some of the principles upon which he founded ADF and tries to live his life, Sears said: "We don't have 'enemies,' we have 'opponents.'" Because an enemy is something much more powerful and sinister than an individual person we disagree with -- or even a political party. That sounds like something we need to hear at this current moment.

He went on: "No matter the intensity, the acrimony or even the cruelty of that opposition, we make a deliberate choice to not demonize or despise individuals. We don't attack their reputation or besmirch their character." He emphasized, instead, the importance of grace.

Joking about the attack on Paul Pelosi is not grace. Nor is ignoring attacks on pro-life clinics and churches. If we truly have concern for each other -- even our opponents -- people may see where we're coming from, and try to understand our positions, even if they disagree.

Sears told the story of one of his attorneys at ADF, who was in a California courtroom on an important case when the opposing lawyer started coughing. The ADF lawyer got her some water. She stopped coughing, but then couldn't find her place. He then showed her where she was in her notes. Sears says that opposing lawyer wrote to him about it years later.

"That's the way it's supposed to work," Sears emphasized. Small acts of kindness that demonstrate that "however sharp our differences," we still have "kindness and compassion" and our opponents -- "even those trying to destroy us" -- should be able to see that they can "depend on our word" and "trust in our character."

Too often in our political discourse, there's little respect for the other. Donald Trump doesn't pretend to have any respect for anyone. President Biden talks about unity by deriding half the population. (A speech where he called Americans who oppose abortion part of the problem comes to mind.) Mercifully, the country is bigger than the two of them. But too many, especially at election times, ignore the wider perspective or choose not to take it.

There are people on both sides of the aisle who have given up on pluralism. But as another speaker at a dinner I recently attended put it, grace doesn't work without our freely choosing it. Instead of dwelling on the stories we've heard of families and friendships breaking up because of politics, reach out to someone before the end of the year with whom you disagree on big things. Choose grace and work to restore our civic lives for a healthier politics. One person at a time.

klopez@nationalreview.com