Pig-Pen comes back as a spoiled feline

Miss Kitty, our cat of unknown ancestry who now rules the Sullivan house as queen of all she surveys, has an annoying habit, one she is turning into a rebuke of those humans who fail to comply with her every command.

Let's start at the beginning.

Miss Kitty joined the Sullivan royal-free household a few years ago after being a stray. She had enough refined qualities, however, to indicate she might not always have been a pauper. In addition, she had -- and still has -- street smarts that have preserved most of her nine lives. She is cunning enough, for example, to have won the heart of my allergic, dog-loving wife. You know how hard it is to covert those of the canine persuasion to the path of feline righteousness.

When Miss Kitty first took up residence as our outdoor cat, she did not let on that she had loftier goals, including becoming at least a part-time indoor cat and setting herself up on the throne, which is really a wicker chair with a soft cushion -- the only furniture she can get on without a rebuke from her court jesters, Mrs. S. and myself.

Like any proud pet owner, we contend Miss Kitty is no ordinary cat. For example, she speaks several languages. She understands "No!" in English, Spanish, Portuguese, American and Canadian.

It's her quirks that still mystify us. You already know that the only toy she will play with is the clod of dirt she rolls around on the patio. Do not feel sorry for Her Highness. She has been given tons of toys by well-meaning admirers. Just this week Sandy, here at the office, gave Miss Kitty a weighted feather that would send most cats into a tizzy. Not our cat. Not interested. Not at all.

Here's her latest: Miss Kitty rolls in the dirt. She has found several patches in our yard -- under a hydrangea bush, next to a sprawling juniper, at the end of the patio hedge, in the backyard where grass won't grow -- that are perfect for her dust baths.

We've done some research, trying to learn why a cat known for its meticulous bathing habits and who loves water would take every opportunity to plop down in the dirt and roll on her back.

Lately, Miss Kitty has taken to jumping into the dust whenever she is annoyed by something we do or whenever she doesn't get her way.

Some of our research suggests that rolling in the dirt is one way cats speed up the shedding process. Another source said dirt contains essential minerals or vitamins or some such that cats need. Yet another source said cats roll in the dirt to scratch the itches on their backs.

My wife called the vet this week. She has had her fill of Miss Kitty's dirt-laden fur. Most of the dirt that comes in with the cat winds up on, around and under her wicker chair. Miss Kitty does not do vacuuming. Guess who does.

The consensus at the vet's office was that Miss Kitty needs a tick-and-flea treatment. We have seen no signs of ticks or fleas in Miss Kitty's fur. Perhaps, being the smart animal she is, the cat is trying to save us a few bucks with her free dirt treatments.

There is, of course, another explanation for Miss Kitty's dirt baths. Coating herself with dirt and dust annoys us. It further complicates my wife's allergies. It makes a mess where there ought not to be one.

So, what a great way to get back at humans with opposable thumbs who dilly-dally when it's time for treats from the magic drawer in the kitchen. What a wonderful way to put those think-they're-smarter-than-cats-Ha!-Ha! humans. What sweet revenge.

We're going to try the flea-tick treatment. We expect Miss Kitty's response will come from the nearest dirt pile.

jsullivan@semissourian.com<I>