NEWTON'S LAW: WHAT IS `BAD' IN OUR CULTURE SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED AS GOOD

English, at least the variety fashioned by Americans, is a language of antonym acrobatics. We can refer to someone as "bad" and have it mean that person is quite good.

In a vernacular where bad means good, maybe we can also pass off the phrase "cynical opportunism" for "robust capitalism." Well, it's worth a try.

Which leaves us something called "Battle of the Bad," a cozy little bit of entertainment with all the charm of a domestic disturbance. The Show Me Center plays host Wednesday and Thursday nights.

"Battle of the Bad" has nothing to do with linguistic gamesmanship; in fact, the "baddest" of those involved might not be the least bit expressive in a verbal sense.

The concept seems to be this: men 18 and older volunteer to stand in a boxing ring and beat the stuffing out of one another, and the person with stuffing left at the conclusion of this enterprise will be awarded a cash prize.

Here's the beauty of it: not only is no boxing experience required, none is allowed.

The ring will attract "bad" guys who enjoy delivering punches but lack the training that would enable them to deflect punches, deflection being an annoying mannerism for any aficionado of blood-letting.

Fisticuffs for fun, pugilism for profit. What is unlawful outside the doors of this venue is just good, clean sadism on the inside ... roughhousing and head-knocking with the bothersome stigma of felony arrest removed.

What events and related offenses next get the legitimacy of this state-owned arena? The Crack Smoking Round Robin? The Auto Theft Extravaganza?

You might recall that a similar tournament for "tough" and not "bad" guys, though the two breeds are blood kin was scheduled at that facility in June 1988, only to be canceled the day before the event because the promoter had not complied with state laws governing the registration of boxers.

The 1988 episode was memorable if for no reason other than its radio advertisements, which went: "You fight until you fall. The rules? HAH!!! Come witness the slaughter!!!"

This year's model isn't so flamboyant in its perspective of boxing Armageddon, nor is there a female fight bracket this time around, the fairer sex having had the opportunity in 1988 to be "tough" but not now to be "bad."

Then, as now, there was a peculiar lack of fuss locally about the nature of the event. At one time, concerned souls here protested the appearance of Alice Cooper at the Show Me Center, decrying the rock star for his unchaste and violent inclinations.

Seldom was heard a discouraging word about that no-holds-barred boxing event in 1988, which never came to be. Silence has again embraced the notion.

Those who manage the Show Me Center have a tough job. Their job descriptions do not insist they enhance the quality of our lives, only that they don't lose too much of the taxpayers' money. If they failed in this latter task, the carnage really would commence.

They bring us "Sesame Street Live" and symphony orchestras and Amy Grant, and might continue to do so if these paid all the bills. What we get then are big trucks rolling over lesser trucks and amateur pugilists slapping each other silly, events that are seductive from a ledger perspective because enough people pay to see them.

Fight promoters, as a rule, don't promote civility, and you don't hurt them by insulting their sense of public well being, that being an irrelevancy in their line of work. You can sting them, however, with a swift blow to the pocketbook.

Ours is not the only culture that has given itself over to violent pursuits. Mankind has made some strides since the Roman days of bread and circuses. So far, the Show Me Center has not served up Christians being thrown to lions.

But let's not give promoters any ideas.