NEWTON'S LAW: BECKON ALL THE GOOD OL' BOYS FOR SHOP TALK ON PRESIDENCY

I guess we're all gonna be what we're gonna be.

So, what do you do with good ol' boys like me?

By Don Williams

Though he's out of work in a tough economy, you still can't stoke up a lot of sympathy for ~Mikhail Gorbachev.

The guy had a good run: dickered with Reagan, cashed in with the Nobel committee, great seats for the Bolshoi, met the Scorpions. He has some great memories to fall back on ... probably got misty-eyed when he cleaned out his desk and found an "I Love Glasnost" button.

Okay, there are no gold watches handed out at the Kremlin. They made out the New World Order and Mikhail wasn't on the list. Why should he care? Let Boris deal with the bread lines.

Still, the limelight, like nuclear strength, tends to get addictive. Gorbachev might be like a lot of white-collar sorts pushed into early retirement: he doesn't want to give up the fast lane just yet.

In all likelihood, he won't have to. As a photogenic, perestroika-promoting, coup-surviving ex-leader of the defunct Soviet Union, Gorbachev finds himself somewhat in demand.

And it's not just that he joins Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, Peter Arnett, Anita Hill, John Sununu and any number of others who will trade their view of history for a spot on the best-seller list and ample cash rewards.

Everybody wants a piece of Gorbachev.

Universities have sought his visitation as if it were grant money. Congress will likely invite him to address a joint session. Even an American casino has requested his services as a spokesman. (What could be better than that, a Communist reformer shilling for a ~gambling joint? This is truly a land of opportunity.)

Somewhere out there is the proposal for a fast-food franchise he would front: Mikki G's. He could give Dave Thomas a run for his money.

Even former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, another discarded leader, has ideas about where Gorbachev should spend his golden years.

She wants to join with Ronald Reagan and Gorbachev in a consulting firm, a "supertroika" that would apportion advice on international concerns.

Thatcher's back-seat driving has been underappreciated so far in England, and one British cabinet minister regarded her latest proposal as "barmy." Both Reagan and Gorbachev have discreetly remained silent on the idea.

Though they might be unwelcome in passing judgment on affairs of state, Thatcher and her peers are properly restless. What do you do with these folks who have commanded the fate of millions of people, and know the travails of such a chore, but now have no one to command?

Though political winds or constitutions have betrayed them, former presidents are at the top of their game in terms of experience; only a handful of people have done what they've done.

Their experience should be put to good use. Former American presidents stay busy, but what do we see them doing?

Richard Nixon turns out more books than Stephen King.

Gerald Ford serves as an elder statesman and loyal spokesman for his political philosophy.

Jimmy Carter refurbishes houses for the needy and coordinates symposiums to discuss world peace.

And Ronald Reagan ... well, we still love Ronald Reagan.

Open a presidential library and these guys will sit down for coffee, but not often otherwise. Thus, 80 percent of the living Americans who know what it's like to be president of this country aren't regularly sought out for counsel.

Regardless of their political temperament, let these men continue to serve their country. Gather them a couple of times a year (not even as often as championship athletic teams are summoned to the White House) and let them talk shop. Don't give them any power ... just an ear.

Next, maybe Boris can call in Mikhail for some neighborly chat.