MUCH AGO ABOUT A LOUSY DO: BRUSHING ASIDE A CONTROVERSY

It is, you might say, the unkindest cut of all.

Washington, which seemingly constructs for itself small problems so the big problems don't have to be so readily addressed, is somewhat wound up about a particular lawmaker's new do.

Of the world's capitals, maybe only Paris would match Washington for concerns about coiffures. Certainly, Capitol Hill is one of the few places where such a thing could become a political tempest.

Mockery over the length of one's hair is an gesture more closely associated with the 1960s than modern times, but the federal government is often slow to catch up with the balance of the nation. If nothing else, the decades have put a twist of this tired tale.

Pat Schroeder is a U.S. representative from Colorado. She is a leading figure in the national Democratic Party and even considered a bid for the presidency in 1988. She is an eloquent spokesperson for her party.

While extraneous in the grand scheme of things, it is important to the context of this discussion to note she has spent her years in politics with a bad hairdo.

It sweeps down onto her forehead like a Gary Hart spoof. While that is the neo-liberal way (the ancestor of RFK), Schroeder exaggerated the style to the point of parody.

Next to Marilyn Quayle, Schroeder may have gone for years with the worst coiffure in Washington. When Mrs. Quayle moved into the national limelight, one late-night comic noted that there hasn't been hair like that since Laura Petrie gave her husband Rob a peck on the cheek at the front door of their New Rochelle home.

Even Kim Talley, my own long-suffering hair consultant, who never has a bad word about anyone, conceded some time back that Marilyn could use a perm.

But Mrs. Quayle's hair never became a real issue, possibly because she's just a heartbeat away from Barbara Bush's hairstyle. Mirth should know its limit when it ~comes to such a, pardon the expression, brush with history.

Schroeder, on the other hand, has attracted attention by taking lip from a Democratic House colleague named Mike Synar, an Oklahoman without the gift of tact.

The Washington Post reported that Synar told his friend Schroeder that she ... well, needed a haircut.

"Your hair is too long," the Post quoted Synar. "It's distracting."

Schroeder confirmed she was given this advice. Then, she did something to land herself in an unlikely controversy: she got a haircut. Further, she got a perm that stole the neo-liberal sweep and gave her something of a regurgitated Janis Joplin look.

Some weren't taken with the new Pat.

To the point, feminists began flooding the representatives with mail, objecting specifically to Synar's bad manners and Schroeder's submission.

Schroeder, who has been a champion of feminist causes, sought to distance herself from the flap. "I'm sending the mail to Synar," she said.

Synar, who has an oral attraction for shoe leather, dug himself in deeper. Of the 50-year-old Schroeder, Synar, age 40, said, "She's like a mother to me."

Well, ma, he's done it again.

All of which goes to show that sympathetic Democrats can get into just as much trouble as Republicans where unforgiving and ever-vigilant interest groups are concerned.

Further, it shows that feminists, who should have more important things on their minds these days, might get by with a somewhat lighter touch.

Finally, it goes to show that congressional sessions should break up long before summer sets in. If the oppressive heat of that city stirs up best-forgotten images of Janis Joplin and gives nonsense an outlandish importance, lawmakers need longer vacations.