MISSOURIANA

Following the Kennedy compound scandal, there's word that Virginia Sen. Chuck Robb has been consorting with a former beauty queen. Democrats seem to find losing elections an aphrodisiac.

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Chief of State John Sununu uses expensive military planes instead of commercial airlines because he keeps in constant contact with George Bush. That's one of the burdens of the presidency no one even considered.

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Until Kitty Kelley came along, most Missourians thought State Auditor Margaret Kelly was the toughest Irishwoman on the block.

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Rep. Richard Gephardt says he has no plans to run for president next year. Dick couldn't find any voters who had plans to vote for him.

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Given the almost-constant tally of campaign dollars on hand, most Missourians know more about their candidates' election-campaign bank accounts than what they stand for.

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Where was author Kitty Kelley when Mike Dukakis really needed her?

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The best way to get rid of Saddam Hussein is to give him a fast car and turn him loose in Los Angeles.