MISSOURIANA

Governor Ashcroft went back to Washington to announce that America's school children are not doing well academically. If the windows weren't nailed shut in John's office in the Capitol, he could have heard the same thing back home.

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A national television program reveals that whites and blacks are treated differently in St. Louis. That often happens when a town doesn't have a National Basketball Association team.

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President Bush announces a major reduction in the nation's strategic weapons, which now makes Uncle Sam the largest used nuclear bomb salesmen on the block.

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Presidential chief of staff Sununu says the Bush administration isn't going to rush to devise a new health care plan. Since his traveling privileges were revoked, John can't even rush to a stamp auction.

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The Democrats have so many unknown presidential candidates that if they all went to a party, they'd need an introduction to the hostess.