MISSOURIANA

Those election polls can't be considered scientific until they list not only Bush and Clinton but just about everybody's favorite candidate: Nobody.

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GOP gubernatorial candidate Bill Webster started his general election TV commercials early in the campaign. Bill has logged more time on television screens than Johnny Carson every did.

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Ross Perot writes a book costing $4.95 on how he would conduct the presidency if he were elected. That's the problem with a democracy: you have to study to learn anything.

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Bill Clinton is reported to have widespread support from his fellow Arkansans, some of whom want to see him president and others who want him out of the governor's office.

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President Bush asks voters to elect him president so he can accomplish all the things he promised to do four years ago.

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To be eligible for federal assistance, you can qualify if you're homeless because of a hurricane but those who are homeless because their jobs disappeared need not apply.

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You know this country is getting along pretty well when Congress is in session and nobody realizes it.