MISSOURIANA

Hurricane Andrew has been called the nation's worst disaster in history, replacing the Republicans' warning against electing Bill Clinton.

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Missourians will vote in November on limiting the terms of state legislators, who will resist the measure by putting the title of the state Capitol in their name.

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If weather service officials want the public to understand how dangerous hurricanes are, they should give them names like "Pat Buchanan" and "Teddy Kennedy."

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Public Health Warning: If you give up smoking, you can become addicted to finding new ways of scaring the daylights out of cigarette smokers.

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Americans can always tell when a major disaster has hit the country by the television scenes depicting looters robbing neighborhood stores.

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All those candidates promising to become "agents of change" should be treated as small change by voters who are unable to recognize bad pennies.

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If medical science was really serious about helping mankind, the least they could do is find some vice that was really good for us.