MISSOURI WATCH: GOVERNANCE BY CLICHE

Over the past decade or so, it has become increasingly difficult for citizens to understand (a) what their governments were doing to them, (b) what those in charge of the governmental store, either in Washington or Jefferson City, were actually saying, and (c) what connection existed between what the government said it was doing and what it was actually doing.

The more pessimistic among us have concluded from all of this ubiquitous obfuscatory oratory that our governments were going to the dogs, that democracy was on the wane as the result of a communications failure between those occupying our official capitals and those who tried to lead normal lives in spite of everything.

Still others, with a great deal of merit to their argument, have suggested that constituent dissatisfaction has come as a result of today's politicians (who quite naturally are destined to be tomorrow's political leaders) who have adopted a kind of ersatz syntax that permits them to explain away any governmental inadequacy with a series of carefully chosen words that, at least on the surface, appear to be reasonable.

In other words, this belief recognizes the rise of the political cliche and its rampant use throughout the corridors of power in America's political capitals.

I recently broached this concept to a Missouri public official, widely and deservedly recognized as being one of the great cliche experts of our time, a politician who has managed to remain in power during both Republican and Democratic administrations through the skillful utilization of a vast dictionary of cliches. Indeed, his ability to speak a coherent sentence and say absolutely nothing has made him a legend in every bar, saloon and cocktail lounge in Jefferson City.

Perhaps you would like to peruse a transcribed copy o the interview:

Question: Good morning, Mr. Director. It's a pleasure to see you again and to hear further testimony from you on the subject of cliches.

Answer: While I appreciate your overly kind words, in all modesty I must confess that my political mentor is far less verbally challenged and more obfuscatorily skilled than I.

Question: Well, perhaps he could join us then?

Answer: He's no longer with us. Bought the farm, checked out, slipped his cable, went over the pass. I have become his spiritual heir. But I shall be most happy to share my considered views with anyone from the esteemed Fourth Estate.

Question: I understand you are recognized as the state's foremost cliche expert.

Answer: No, I'm arguably only one expert. That adverb allows me to say something and then partly take it back. But don't worry about it. This stuff isn't written in stone.

Question: Perhaps you would like to discuss what direction the state will take in resolving several difficult problems, such as the redistribution of state school funds after desegregation orders have been canceled.

Answer: I welcome the opportunity to share. Let's start with our beloved state motto, "Salus populi suprema lex esto," which clearly indicates the steps Missouri should take to finalize this $3 billion drain on our state treasury which was clearly needed to restore racial harmony and correct egregious errors of a past generation. We need to get a grip on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to correct the inequities that have too long been allowed to cloud this extremely vital priority called public education. None of this is rocket science. But, yes, our education plate is, indeed, full.

Question: Well, let's skip to another subject. Where is our state headed as it continues to build new prisons to resolve an ever increasing crisis of law and order in our neighborhoods and communities?

Answer: I'm delighted you asked that highly perceptive question. This problem must be resolved within the parameters of our willingness to attack criminal behavior and restore peace and tranquillity in the households of our beloved state. This matter is not rocket science, and it must be resolved by the traditionally exceptional common sense of the average Missouri working man. Others may see this as a no-win situation, but I want the world to know that those of us working on this problem have our plates full. We must get a grip, put our shoulder to the wheel and push together toward a brighter future that permits us to cross the millennium bridge. If I said this was a no-brainer, I would be sending the wrong message. Let's say that some people who think they're pushing the envelope on this matter, prisonwise, are clearly off base in left field.

Question: Aren't you discouraged by the inability of our elected officials to restore some public confidence in the electoral system and reform the campaign practices that make a mockery of representative government?

Answer: This is a slippery slope that must be approached with both feet on the ground. Some say don't go there because it's a no-win situation, a subject that puts us between a rock and a hard place. We can all empathize for, even feel the pain of, those who demand easy answers. There aren't any easy answers, just pro-active ones. If these folks will only listen to their inner child and talk the talk and walk the walk. Voila, we're there. Now I wish I had more time to dialogue on these subjects, but tempus fugits. It's time to milk the cows.

Question: Well, sir, thank you for this interview.

Answer: You've made my day. This has been a worthwhile dialogue advancing the cause of common mutuality and concourse.

Question: You have enlightened us all.

Answer: It doesn't get any better than this.

Question: Thank you, sir.

Answer: No problem. We're here to serve and inform.

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of the Missouri News and Editorial Service.