MIDDLE AMERICA REJECTS THE AGENDA OF RADICAL FEMINISTS

Suppose I were to step forward with a bizarre and unlikely scenario. It is this: Anita Hill loves group sex with animals Shetland ponies, Great Danes, the occasional python. Proof? Admittedly, it's scarce, there being only one eyewitness myself. (The rest are all members of the animal kingdom what we used to call "dumb animals" before the Animal Rights folks Raised Our Consciousness on such dreadful slurs.) I'm the only witness, but I told four close friends at the time, and I can now produce them to testify that I told them at the time. In the manner of the TV AnchorPersons, and feminist Law ProfessorPersons, we now call these "corroborating witnesses."

This, then, gives me precisely as much proof for my scurrilous accusation as Anita Hill has for hers. It also places her in precisely the same position as she has placed Judge Clarence Thomas she must prove the negative.

Concerning the bizarre goings-on of this past weekend in what used to be called the World's Greatest Deliberative Body, a few observations:

1. No one should doubt that sexual harassment exists, or that many men are boors in our society, deserving of censure by decent human beings of both genders. It's a serious problem, and we need to deal with it in a responsible manner among all PeoplePersons.

2. I am outraged literally infuriated by the new sexual fascism of the militant feminists. These militants demand that ancient codes of human behavior be redrawn to criminalize anything and everything. All men stand indicted by the new fascism of what Rush Limbaugh accurately calls the FemiNazis.

3. I am enraged by the feminist Law ProfessorPersons recruited to chatter with TV AnchorPersons during hearing breaks on the finer points of sexual harassment. These pompous feminist LawyerPersons and NOW types enunciate a standard of justice that is far worse than McCarthyism.

Many of the FemiministPersons I heard droning on through the weekend would have fit in nicely at the show trials of Joseph Stalin, or in Hitler's Germany. As media critic Dorothy Rabinowtiz phrased it, we've arrived at "... the mindset that knows no distinction between a serious incident of harassment and the most trivial one, and no distinction between an accusation and actual guilt. In this atmosphere, to be accused is to be guilty, and to be the accuser is to be ipso facto granted victim status."

4. The sexual fascists have worked an astonishing transformation of these Senate hearings into a vast, national Seminar on Raising Our Consciousness on Sexual Harassment. (All that was missing was Oprah, Geraldo or Phil Donahue, prancing around the room with a microphone.) As if the general societal problem of sexual harassment, rather than these flimsy charges, and the proof of them or lack thereof were the issue.

5. Anita Hill, her recruiters and handlers convinced themselves that she would never have to go fully public with their unproveable allegations. They were certain that the mere mention of these ghastly charges would blackmail Clarence Thomas into withdrawing without a public hearing. Had Clarence Thomas's grandfather not raised so strong a grandson, this cunning strategy would likely have worked.

In lunging at him to blacken his name, Miss Hill and her committee and interest group allies have succeeded principally in blackening their own. For this mark my words there will yet be Hell to pay. Instead, Clarence Thomas is now a national hero to millions of Americans fast becoming a decisive majority.

6. Wisest Decision of the Hearing: Sen. Kennedy's decision to maintain a low profile. Short of absenting himself from the hearing room entirely, it was the wisest thing he could have done. On the few occasions when he did open his mouth, it was abundantly obvious why he thought it prudent to send friends to take his exams, a habit that got him expelled from Harvard.

7. It was the late Sen. Same Ervin of North Carolina, the gentleman hero of the Watergate hearings, who passionately opposed the polygraph. Sen. Ervin, the great liberal hero, regarded the polygraph as "20th Century witchcraft." There were no liberals quoting Sen. Ervin on the polygraph Sunday afternoon, when they announced that a polygraph "proved" that Anita Hill was telling the truth.

8. Let's cull this one from the Wall Street Journal:

".... This is a Senate that cannot control its most degenerate Members. Senators Kennedy and Metzenbaum can deny all they want that they and their staffs leaked nothing, but they have less credibility than Anita Hill."

I'm recruiting folks for a national Ad Hoc Committee to HorseWhip Howard Metzenbaum.

9. I'm looking forward to a settling of accounts. It's important that Senators Kennedy, Metzenbaum and possibly others face a Special Prosecutor, with staffs of highly paid attorney-investigators, and squads of FBI agents, and backed up by unlimited budgets all to investigate the leaks of confidential FBI reports.

Finally, a prediction: Clarence Thomas will be confirmed this evening, as he richly deserves to be. And the backlash against the radical feminists has just begun.