Mailbag - Questions get answers

When I looked in the mailbag this week, I saw it was piled up with two messages. And then I got an e-mail Thursday morning, making a grand total of three.

Obviously, I need to respond to these folks before my mail gets out of hand.

Here goes:

---

Dear Mr. Sullivan: You're always writing about Kelo Valley. Is that like Lake Woebegone? Does Kelo Valley really exist? If it does, tell me how to get there. Roy.

Dear Roy: If I had half as much gift for writing as Garrison Keillor, I too would make up my childhood and hometown. However, since I am a scrivener for the local newspaper and possess limited brainpower (quickly waning, I fear) and slim creativity, I find I must resort to facts and memories as best I can.

Yes, the valley is real. As I recently reported, it's Killough Valley. The spelling issue has been resolved, once and for all, by a descendant of the original Killough for whom the valley is named.

And I will be happy to tell you how to get there.

Take the highway west (you'll actually be going south, as often happens in the Ozarks) from my favorite hometown. You'll quickly find yourself going up a steep hill. Near the top, you'll pass the old town dump just before you come to a scenic lookout. Take in the spectacular view of the Ozark Plateau with its hilltops undulating like the ocean on a stormy day.

Naturally, since you went up a hill, you will now go down the hill into Cedar Bay, which is nowhere near a bay of any kind. Don't try to figure out all the place names in these hills. It won't do you a bit of good.

When you get to the railroad tracks, which took a much shorter route from my hometown, you'll see the bridge over the river. It is a fine river fed by springs. Once you've cleared the bridge, look to your right. About half a mile upstream is the bottom end of Killough Valley. But that's not how you get there.

Remember, you're in the Ozarks where nobody goes as the crow flies unless you're in an airplane. Where would you land?

Now the highway comes to another hill. At the top, take the first gravel road to the right. It is an important thoroughfare these days, complete with a county road number and a stop sign. This road will skim the ridge for a while before it plunges down the hillside. At the bottom, you are in a wide hollow that leads to the main valley itself.

You can stay on this gravel road if you want. Eventually, it will take you over another hill into the river valley. When you're ready to go back to civilization, you're on your own. Good luck.

---

Hey, Joe, the election for mayor here in Cape is about a week away. Are you going to make a prediction? A voter.

Dear voter: No. And it's 11 days away.

I will say, however, that I have a fine tribute planned for the current Hizzoner, who has given me eight wonderful years of column fodder.

I'll bet the news of my tribute has just made the mayor's day.

That's what I like about writing this column. I always get to make someone's day.

---

(This e-mail came Thursday morning.) Whoa! Does anyone check your weather forecasts before you print the paper? You've got some old winter forecast in there. You never get it right. A reader.

Dear reader: You're wrong. We've printed the right forecast twice, once in 1932 and again just last year. Which means we're still ahead of radio and TV.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.