LETTERS: PARENTS, SUPPORT DISCIPLINE IN SCHOOLS

To the editor:

With schools opening, school violence is a concern of parents and children alike. As a mother and a developmental psychologist, I'd like to make a few suggestions that might keep our children a little safer.

Commonalities among the school shootings over the last couple of years suggest several things that our community can do to address school violence. In most of the cases, the boys had a history of having been harassed at school, they read either Nazi or devil-worship material, and most came from "good" middle- or upper middle-class families who nevertheless frequently left their boys to their own devices.

As parents, we heed to remember to parent our teen-agers. Although 11- or 13-year-olds may be competent to care for themselves in many ways, they still need their parents to be in charge, to communicate their expectations for appropriate behavior, to gradually allow them an appropriate level of freedom and responsibility and to pay attention to where they are going and what they are doing. Most of all, though, they still need the time and attention of their parents. That is what lets them know they are cared for and loved.

Parents and school administrators should discuss bullies, popularity and cliques with children and teen-agers. In every school shooting, tens if not hundreds of other teens were aware of the bullying but had looked the other way. Contrary to many popular portrayals of teen-agers, most of them are responsible, loving, hard-working, caring people. As adults, we need to empower them to face bullies and harassers and to support them when they do. This is especially needed when bullies are in the supposedly popular clique in school. Confronting bullies doesn't mean getting into fights. It simply means making a comment to someone who is being mean to others.

Part of a discussion about bullies would need to include encouraging children and teen-agers to tell a teacher or parent when someone is being picked on or when someone has made threatening or violent comments. This means adults in schools have to follow through with a no-tolerance policy for bullying and harassment and support children and teen-agers who do the right thing. Otherwise, those who speak up will realize they cannot count on administration, that they may end up the target of bullies themselves and that keeping quiet is much safer.

If you are a parent who is tired of lax discipline in schools, then show your support of school discipline by making your voice heard. If schools only hear from one family who sues a school for infringing on their darling's rights whenever the school makes the least attempt to enforce reasonable disciplines, who will influence the administration's decisions the most? The hundreds of silent families, or the one family who sued?

Everyone who is a gun owner can help by checking how their weapons are stored. Make sure your guns are stored in a manner that would not allow a child or teen-ager to access them without adult supervision.

Last, don't think it can't happen here. Support your schools. Support your children. And demand a safe environment.

MARTHA S. ZLOKOVICH, Ph.D.

Associate Professor of Psychology

Southeast Missouri State University

Cape Girardeau