LETTERS: 21 YEARS LATER, ESSAY IS STILL VALID

To the editor:

In an era when the phrase "character counts" is commonly heard, to our family and others in Cape Girardeau, Paul Ebaugh Sr. was a walking metaphor worthy of emulation. Your paper has chronicled many of his extensive accomplishments, but his most favorite and revered title was not "president of the company," "civic leader" or even "chairman of the board," but rather "granddad." In addition to being one of the most well-read intellectuals I have ever met, his working knowledge of children's books was exceeded only by his love of children.

Please consider an encore printing of his opinion column of March 13, 1979. Since then, Reid, Eric, Sina and Clayton have been added to the privileged list of children who called Paul Ebaugh Sr. "Granddad." I think we can all benefit from his thoughts, and this would honor his memory. He wrote another column for your paper about heroes. Present and future granddads and heroes should pay attention. We just lost one.

ED MASTERS

Father of four of Paul Ebaugh Sr.'s grandchildren

Cape Girardeau

Wonderful world of grandfathers

By Paul L. Ebaugh

This little essay is addressed to my fellow members of a very select and exclusive organization: the grandfathers of the world. It might be of passing interest to some future members -- e.g. "fathers" -- but probably until they become privy to the secrets of our organization they would lack sufficient insight to truly understand the workings of our group. It is certainly not directed to mothers and particularly not to grandmothers, and I would appreciate it if they would stop reading at this point as I am going to make certain damaging admissions that I would just as soon they not be aware of.

First, it's a pretty well-established rule of law and science that for every action there's a corresponding reaction. For each quid there's a quo. For each this, there's a that. Just about every relationship involves give and take -- employer, employee; management, union; husband and wife; father and son; mother and daughter; grandmother and grandchild. All of these require negotiation, mediation, arbitration, obligation and responsibility. The one human relationship that is free of restraint and liability is that of grandfather and grandchild.

Grandfathers have been given a special place in society, a place that is not attainable by election or promotion, by hard work or by favor. Grandfathers stand high above lesser mortals, at least as far as grandchildren are concerned.

The mundane problems of discipline and menial chores with little ones are left to parents and to grandmothers. Grandfathers deal only with such weighty matters as "What are stars?" and "Why do birds sing?" Grandfathers are, of course, experts in literary matters and can recite innumerable nursery rhymes by heart, are able to read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" with emotion and feeling and can give expert commentaries on all the Dr. Seuss stories.

In an earlier column, I complained of a lack of heroes in today's society. That lack is not apparent in children's literature. Perhaps here is the last bastion of heroes, the last refuge of those of us who like to see the good guys win.

This is one of the ancillary benefits of grandfatherhood: The literature is better than you remembered it as a father. In fact, some of the Dr. Seuss stories are true classics -- the brotherhood of man is expressed in subtle yet distinct terms in "Horton Hears a Who," no ecologist has ever written a better tract than "The Lorax" and selfishness and greed are laid bare on the table in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas."

As a group, we can sympathize with grandmothers who, while they admittedly occupy a special place with their grandchildren, still are subject to many of the parental-type responsibilities not expected of grandfathers. Grandfathers, by hallowed tradition, are never called on to say, "You have to eat that" or "Mind your manners" or "Go to bed." On the other hand, one of the special roles they play is to provide a sympathetic listening post to the little ones who have been mistreated and browbeaten by hard-nosed parents and grandmothers.

If there does seem to be a bit of inherent inequity in the role model played by grandfathers, you must remember that it is just a temporary state. As children mature, the family relationships will take new shape, and grandmothers will move into a new status and, perhaps, become the dominant figure. But, in these early years, in these years of toys and dolls and books and dreams, grandfathers are tops. It behooves us not to let any of this special time slip by, because it will be with us only briefly.

I mentioned above that this one special family relationship is almost totally free of liability and obligation. There is, however, one requirement. But how do you weigh, measure and define love?

So let me take this opportunity to thank a few special people for what they've given me: Erinn, Kara, Brandon, Ryan, Lisa, Megan, Nathan and Jordan.