It's back! The world's best golf tournament

Lordy, Lordy, look who's 40.

OK. So I'm stretching things. Again.

But look at the calendar. May is half gone. June will be bustin' out before you can say First-ever Third Annual Louis J. Lorimier Memorial World-Famous Downtown Golf Tournament and All-You-Can-Eat Catfish Buffet.

Yes, that's right. It's time to smack BirdieBalls through the streets of our fair river city. And along the riverfront and through the River Campus, too.

Some of you know what I'm talking about. Some of you are licking your fingers so you can turn the page. Wait! Read on! Those bran flakes need to soak a little longer.

This year's amazing and stupendous downtown golf tournament and catfish buffet is set for June 22, starting at the Red House Interpretive Center on Aquamsi Street next to the floodwall across from Old St. Vincent's Church. Half the golfers who sign up will play the Old Course (downtown streets, alleys and parks) backward. The other half will play the New Course (on the River Campus in between the new bridge and what's left of the old bridge).

This fun and exciting event costs money. Let's get that out of the way right now. If you want to play, you've got to pay 25 American dollars (check, cash, money order, cashier's check or gold nuggets -- five-gallon cans of gasoline may be considered for trade, depending on the pump price in mid-June).

Where does your money go when you enter the prestigious ranks of downtown golfers? For a good cause. I swear. Actually, it's the Red House, which is a worthy cause. I swear.

What you need to do to become a registered 2008 downtown golfer is fill out a registration form (to be found throughout the pages of your prize-winning favorite daily newspaper, the Southeast Missourian) and send in said registration form with $25.

Isn't that easy?

And, knuckleheads, how many times do you have to be told that there needs to be a registration form for each and every golfer? The good folks at the City of Cape Park Development Foundation, who graciously handle the registrations, are not mind readers. If you want to sign up as a foursome, that's just dandy, but YOU STILL HAVE TO FILL OUT A REGISTRATION FORM FOR EACH GOLFER! One $100 check will suffice in such circumstances.

And for gosh sakes, don't put this off until June 18, which is the deadline. How are we supposed to know how much catfish to fry if you dawdle?

(OK. Don't spread this around, but I'll bet registrations will be accepted until minutes before the tournament begins. But that's just between you and me. And you might not get any fish. So there.)

And please remember: I am just the messenger. I don't make up all these rules, conditions, bylaws and whatnot. I just made up the tournament one day about 14 years ago. Others made it a reality.

And what a bang-up job they've done, with Charlie Herbst leading the charge. Everybody thinks Charlie is a pretty fair councilman and all-around good guy. Well, they're right. And he's a great event organizer, too.

Jane Jackson, who has been a pillar of the Red House since its inception, gets wonderful cooperation from Red House volunteers. Without them, everyone who golfs in the downtown tournament would be hopelessly lost in less than 10 minutes.

Parks and recreation director Dan Muser, police chief Carl Kinnison and Convention and Visitors Bureau director Chuck Martin also play pivotal roles in making the tournament a success. Letting adults carry potentially lethal five-irons while whaling away at plastic missiles takes some planning. And these fellows know what they're doing.

And don't forget Doc Cain and his crew at Port Cape Girardeau who make the catfish buffet so scrumptious.

Finally, if you play in the downtown golf tournament, you will have a barrel of fun. I am not making that up.

Sign up. You'll be glad you did.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.