If adulting were easy, more adults would do it

Adulting isn't easy. If it were, more adults would do it. Now, I've never been a fan of the term. In fact, "adulting" gets under my skin, but I'm in a season of life that has caused me to see that at times, it's the best description of the responsibilities many of us face. And just because one has reached 18 years of age or 25 or 30 or any of the ages we've designated as landmarks of maturity, doesn't mean he or she is engaged in taking on those responsibilities -- of adulting.

It must be liberating to be content to let others do the hard things life throws at us while you do your own thing. I've never been one of these people. When it comes to others, I've been the responsible adult, even before I was actually an adult. I remember grownups opening up to me as a teenager about struggles they were facing. I recall thinking, "This is too much for me to handle." But I handled it. I'm not sure what came first -- the metaphoric chicken or egg. In other words, did I rise to the challenge because it was expected of me, or was it expected of me because people saw I possessed the ability to rise to the challenge -- some special responsibility gene? Truth is, I don't know if there is anything "special" about people who adult -- who step up when great challenges present themselves, who do the difficult things, such as helping those in need, serving when they don't feel like it, sacrificing and making trade-offs simply because it's the right thing. I do know the mark of a "great person" is a response to a great challenge. Many times, I've quoted the wise words a graduate school professor wrote on one of my papers: "Responsibility is the ability to respond." It was profound to me then, but the more I live and face life as it calls upon me to act, the more that statement resonates.

How is it that some never seem to reach that point? It doesn't matter what's happening, they seem able to skirt the things that need to be done. We find these people at work, at church, in families, in organizations. This is serious because some responsibilities are more earth-shattering than helping to clean up the church kitchen after a chicken dinner fundraiser or volunteering to mail out pamphlets for your local Rotary Club, as necessary as these things are. Some things are much weightier, such as caring for elderly relatives, making decisions for people who are no longer capable of making them themselves, addressing financial considerations that are pressing. These are areas in which adulting is especially important -- and often painful -- as I'm now experiencing. There's nothing like watching people you love go through some really tough stuff. If you've ever had to tend to people whose aging seems to have snuck up on you, for example, you know the changes can be frightening and overwhelming. Honestly, I don't know how people function without faith. I could not. Faith sustains me, causes me to look daily for improvement and to appreciate it when I see it. Faith gives me hope and strength as I navigate adulting.

I grew up with folks who adulted also. If they hadn't, I wouldn't be here today -- and by "here," I don't mean in Missouri. I mean "here" period. Being the beneficiary of their adulting showed me what it looks like, as I was keenly aware even as a child that they were making sacrifices most people would not be willing to make. They personified what my professor described as the ability to respond. An equally important truth is something Aunt Mary used to say, as only she could: "You never know who you'll need one day to wipe your [rear]." Yes, this means we should treat everyone with respect because we don't know whom we'll have to call upon, but it means even more to me than that now because I'm seeing it on full display: You can find yourself surprised by those who step up in the most crucial times, who don't sit around waiting until something crashes on them before they get clued in on "What can I do to help?" when the answer is obvious to any "adult." Look, the ones who for years didn't manage to make adult decisions, whose immaturity brought about mess after mess in their lives, who fell by the wayside when you could have used them by your side may well be the ones who step up and make a significant difference. People do grow up and choose (uh-huh, it's a choice) to adult. Some of us have had this "pressure" on us for years, carrying it because, well, that's what we do. Others eventually wake up -- and then step up -- because they come to recognize who and what really matter.

As I watch things unfold around me, it would be easy to wish I didn't have to adult and that I could rest in that safe space where adulting is just some annoying term, rather than a living, breathing and, yes, scary responsibility. But the truth is that's not really what I want. It's not convenient, and it's certainly not easy, but it's much more important and humane to adult than to be "liberated."

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member.