Giving the whispered conversations of women a full voice

An essay collection I've contributed to was released this month and I'm a bit nervous. It's not my first contribution to a book. It's not even my first essay in this flash nonfiction book series, but I'm anxious just the same.

Let me explain.

The book is called "Fast Fallen Women", and it's edited by feminist scholar and humorist Gina Barreca, Ph.D. It's the third book in the "Fast Women" series. I have essays in all three. The first in the series is "Fast Funny Women" followed by "Fast Fierce Women". "Fast" meaning there are 75 essays of 750 words or fewer by different authors in each book.

There is something different about this book. This one feels more brave, and definitely scarier. I wrote the first draft of my essay in a notebook more than 25 years ago. The first person I read it to was my therapist. I didn't have any big plans for publication at the time; it was just something that I had to get out of me. It needed to exist somewhere other than inside my head.

I've gone back to the essay several times over the years, attempting to edit and think about where it might publish. I tightened words and fixed grammar, but many turns of phrase remain the ones I had scribbled in my notebook all those years ago, trembling as I documented the details. The essay is still hard for me to read.

When Gina announced the theme of the third book, I submitted something else first. Something that didn't cut so deep and was funny. She asked me to try again. I knew before I clicked send that this book was the home for my essay.

I've written about my abortion before, but I've never detailed the circumstances and the day like I do in this essay. I had written it for my own catharsis after all, and so I held nothing back.

Then 2022 happened. Roe v. Wade was overturned and stories like mine were thrust into the spotlight once again. It seemed weirdly serendipitous that "Fast Fallen Women" would publish in the aftermath of the Supreme Court's Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health Organization ruling. No, not every essay in the book is about abortion, but mine is. Ironically, I managed to write an entire essay detailing my experience without ever actually saying the word — which is on par with how I felt for many years on the subject. I had been through it, but I could never bring myself to say the word.

Gina writes in the introduction that "'Fast Fallen Women' gives whispered conversation a full voice." I am so glad it does. All of our experiences as "fallen women" are notable because they elevate conversations from the coven. Girls too many times grow up with phrases like "damaged goods" in our vocabulary. We somehow internalize the belief that hard times and trauma spoil us for people who would otherwise deem us worthy of their company and companionship. Women must know that we are allowed to take up space as wholehearted human beings, complete with a breadth of experiences that make us who we are.

Each of the books in the "Fast Women" series may have different themes, but one common thread carries through: camaraderie. Every story represents every woman, and the more we stand together and share our stories — even the hard ones — the better off the next generation of girls will be.