GET READY: IT'S MISSOURI QUIZ TIME

The question box on my desk overfloweth.

Perhaps as a result of their Show Me heritage or maybe because our state has more than its share of nosey citizens, but whatever the reason, Missourians display a healthy curiosity about their governments and the men and women who run them. As one who writes about these governments, I receive a large number of questions, many of which I can't answer.

In fact, the questions have grown so numerous that I'm forced to list some of them in the fervent hope that someone reading this piece can provide an answer or two. If you do have an answer, simply write your local editor a letter and let your fellow readers share your knowledge. The winner will receive a certified title to one burial plot in a Florida swamp, a prize I just won on a telephone quiz that asked the number of days in October.

All right, readers, pencils ready. Here are the questions in today's Missouri Quiz.

Q. Who would like to sign the thank-you letter I'm writing to Missouri members of Congress who voted for the Cable Act of 1992 that was supposed to reduce excessive charges for the average TV viewer.

Q. Why do several professors at the University of Missouri receive higher salaries than both the president and the governor of the state.

Q. Two St. Louis lawyers have pleaded guilty to charges of fraud involving the trading of state Second Injury Fund cases in exchange for contributions to Bill Webster's gubernatorial campaign. Are the lawyers who participated also under investigation for their role in this scam.

Q. Is there any evidence that the group of state officials who traveled to the Hebei Province in communist China, at partial taxpayer expense, accomplished anything other than the signing of a trade agreement that the Chinese regularly ignore.

Q. How many members of the delegation mentioned in the question above speak Chinese? How do they know their interpreter was competent.

Q. Given the records of recent football coaches at the University of Missouri, shouldn't the next committee named to select the successor to the incumbent coach be persons who are certifiably the dumbest citizens in the state.

Q. A Missourian, Mel Hancock, who is a member of Congress, which has never exhibited the slightest willingness or ability to balance a budget in decades, wants to tell citizens how to conduct their state government in Jefferson City. Would Hancock make a good M.U. football coach.

Q. Can anyone explain the logic of policies that permit leasing of privately funded state office buildings that are fully funded during the lifetime of the contract but remain the property of the builders.

Q. The public transit authority in St. Louis wants $10 million from the State of Missouri to pay for operating the new MetroLink that cost $350 million in federal funds to build. If ridership on the new transit system is twice the original estimate, when will MetroLink ever be self-supporting.

Q. A sizable portion of this year's $32.7 million budget for the Division of Data Processing and Telecommunications will be spent for newer computers and other equipment designed to make government more efficient. How come the number of new state employees continues to increase despite the expenditure of hundreds of millions of dollars in computers in recent years.

Q. Numerous political observers have predicted that Missourian Rush Limbaugh can't be elected president because Americans won't vote for a comedian. Since when.

Q. If a state employee assists a state official in running for re-election by using state supplies, state telephones, state stamps on state time, is the state official guilty of embezzlement even though state officials have been doing this since 1821? (Editor's Note: This question submitted by an anonymous state official.)Q. When lawmakers approved and former Gov. Ashcroft signed the bill making Missouri taxpayers responsible for half the cost of a $700 million domed football stadium in St. Louis, they said the state's citizens were getting a good deal. Shouldn't these people be on the committee to select the next M.U. football coach.

Q. Does anyone believe President 8ill Clinton will succeed in reducing the budget deficit? Would any of you like to serve on the search committee mentioned above? Q. When did voters revoke Article III, Section 17 of the Missouri Constitution limiting legislative employees to 125 for the House and 75 for the Senate? (The Official Manual lists 212 employees for the Senate alone.)Q. How long will it be before there is a proposal to extend riverboat casino gambling to all 114 counties in Missouri.

Q. Could Bill Clinton be elected Mayor of Branson? City Clerk? Alderman.

Q. What will happen to the hundreds of families now on state waiting lists to receive care and treatment for their mentally retarded children when and if Hillary's health-care plan is approved.

Q. Since our state Constitution gives "every citizen the right to keep and bear arms in defense of his home, person and property," why is it becoming increasingly difficult, if not impossible, to safeguard our homes, persons and property.

Q. Why do you never see a Highway Patrol trooper until you're in a hurry and exceeding the speed limit.

Q. How long will it be before Missouri has more riverboat gambling casinos than colleges and universities and those experiencing financial difficulties pull up anchor and head for states down stream.

Q. Why does the State of Missouri permit numerous departments to lease built-to-specification offices in all 114 counties rather than provide one building per county for all state agencies.

Q. Would George Brett make it to first base if he runs for Governor?