ELECTION QUIPS, GOVERNMENT FLIPS, THREE-CENTURY CLIPS

It doesn't matter who you vote for. The government always gets in. -- Anonymous

I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: "Dear Jack, Don't buy a single vote more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide." -- John F. Kennedy

A politician is a man who understands government, and it takes a politician to run a government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years. -- Harry Truman

There is no excitement anywhere in the world, short of war, to match the excitement of an American presidential campaign. -- Theodore White

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but stand there and take it. -- Lyndon Johnson

When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it. -- Clarence Darrow

No easy problems ever come to the president of the United States. If they are easy to solve, somebody else has solved them. -- Dwight Eisenhower

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It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise than for a man to hear the song of fools. -- Ecclesiastes 7:5

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Defenseless: We had 6 percent of our GNP going for defense during the Reagan years. We have less than 3 percent today. We used to have 18 army divisions. Today we're down to 10. We used to have some 24 wings in the Air Force. We're down to 13 today. We've given the forces a lot of assignments they didn't used to have to take, the so-called peacekeeping assignments. What that means is that the guys are away from home all the time. The thing you hear about is "the birthday problem." A guy will tell you, "Look, I missed my kid's last three birthdays because I was away from home. So I'm leaving, I can't take it anymore." -- Dick Cheney

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Gore to Russia: It's OK to violate the Gore-McCain Act: The Iran-Iraq arms nonproliferation act of 1992, sponsored by then-Sen. Al Gore (D-Tenn.) and Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), requires that sanctions be imposed on countries selling advanced weapons to countries our State Department lists as sponsors of terrorism. Iran is on that list.

In June 1996 Vice President Gore and then-Prime Minister Viktor Chernomyrdin of Russia signed a secret agreement, which was leaked to and published by The New York Times last month. In this pact the U.S. specifically agreed to waive sanctions and let Russia fulfill arms sales contracts with Iran for a submarine, torpedoes, antiship mines, cluster bombs, 160 late-model tanks, 600 armored personnel carriers and much more. The agreement included this extraordinary clause: The U.S. will "take appropriate steps to avoid any penalties to Russia that might otherwise arise under domestic law with respect to the completion of the transfers." In short, we agreed to let Russia continue to sell weapons to Iran, which under the Gore-McCain act should have led to sanctions against Russia, on the specious premise that if we let Russia meet its commitment we could get it to agree to stop such sales in the future.

Russia promised to stop all deliveries of weapons to Iran by Dec. 31, 1999, but (gasp!) it has violated this. It has continued to transfer weapons to Iran. In January Russia delivered the first of five military helicopters to Iran-these helicopters are not even on Gore's list of "permitted" sales.

What have we done about this? Secretary of State Madeleine Albright fired off this denunciation: "Russia's unilateral decision will unnecessarily complicate our relationship." Mr. Gore's national security adviser, Leon Fuerth, said, "We have indicated we are not satisfied with a unilateral claim by the Russians to modify the terms of the understanding." Phew! That's awfully strong language, Madame Secretary and Mr. Fuerth. No doubt the Russians are quaking in their boots.

This episode illustrates the stupidity of our appeasement policy toward Russia under the Clinton-Gore administration. When this secret agreement became public, Gore claimed that it was a clever strategy to stop Russia's illegal arms sales. Of course, it has failed utterly. Russian Minister of Foreign Affairs Igor Ivanov has said that it will take a decade for Russia to complete its weapons sales contracts with Iran. -- Caspar W. Weinberger, Forbes chairman

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Gary, enclosed is a copy of a manuscript the REV. WALTER KEISKER put together during his recent recovery from a broken hip. What he produced is a few memories of a boyhood on a farm in Jefferson County. Perhaps you would find use for some of his memories of a century-plus life. Walter asked me to send it along to you, and hereit is. You will see that although his body is failing, his mind is as sharp as ever. Cordially, Fred Goodwin (son-in-law of Walter Keisker)

Note: Keisker is 100-plus years old and in just two months (God willing) will have lived in three different centuries (19th, 20th and 21st).

He has lived to see many controversies such as the recent presidential election pass into history ... as the United States has continued to progress.

Keisker reminiscences: Isn't it delightful in these waning months of our century to write 2000 on correspondence, to see it in newspapers and hear it over the TV and radio? Let it be said that these weeks still belong to the 20th century, the 21st century beginning Jan. 1, 2001. There is something nostalgic about all this. You see the three naughts appearing on our annual calendar surface only on the hinges of the millennium.

It might be in order, then, to recall happenings in the early years of our century. A big event was the St. Louis World's Fair of 1904. Living in Jefferson County about 30 miles south of St. Louis, it was quite noticeable that the lights above St. Louis were much brighter than usual, especially on dark nights. This was often family talk from May to December.

Other talk of the fair centered upon a taste treat, the ice cream cone. In 1904 ice cream was not a new sensation, but the heat of a St. Louis summer created a large demand for it. The story goes, though I can't vouch for its authenticity, that facing a shortage of cups and wooden spoons, an ice cream vendor bought some small cakes from another stand operator and filled them with ice cream. These were an instant hit, and so it was that the ice cream cone came to St. Louis.

Those old enough to remember will recall songs of the period. "Jingle Bells" was popular then even as it is now. Have you ever taken a ride in a one-horse open sleigh? Yours truly knows nothing of a one-horse sleigh, but he has been a passenger in a two-horse open sleigh. This sleigh was solidly built and equipped with steel runners. It was used to haul grain, wood, milk, baled hay and human cargo. There were no fancy cushions, but boards slid into grooves served the purpose. When I was seven, my father asked "Who wants to go to Hillsboro in the sleigh?" I quickly volunteered. It was taxpaying time at the end of December. Our farm home was a short distance from the state road leading from Hillsboro to Festus. Its thoroughfare was 60 feet wide. The roadway was covered with crushed rock and was at that time overlaid with a blanket of snow. As soon as the horses came to the state road they instinctively went into a gallop. The hard packed snow from the horses' hooves flicked in my face. It was a thrill we have never forgotten. Oh, yes, there was the charming tinkle from the bells attached to the harness hames. It might be in order to ask how much you would be willing to pay for this six-mile round trip taken that day.

There are other recollections. Our mail system today is a very important factor in business. It was as well at the opening of the century, but there were large differences in delivery systems. In rural areas mail went out from a distribution point, each having three or more routes know as RFD. Routes averaged between eight and 30 miles. Imagine a box buggy with compartments so arranged that mail would be put into slots according to the run of the route. Ingenious, don't you think? Like the Marines, the postal system had its motto: "The mail must go through." Deep snow and heavy ice were possibly the only excuse for non-delivery. When long rains prevailed or the frost was leaving the ground, the mailman would make his rounds on horseback. Leather pouches were on either side of the horse.

The most popular piece of mail at our house was the St. Louis Globe Democrat, which covered the countryside like the morning dew. Our farm being a short distance from the mail route, it became my duty at the age of eight years to fetch the mail. When the mailman continued on his route, I took out the Globe Democrat, leaving the other mail in the box, to find out what the Cardinals did. In those days the St. Louis Browns were a stronger club that the Cardinals, and the Redbirds were a poor cousin. All that changed as the Cardinals jumped into prominence by defeating the powerhouse Yankees in the 1926 series four games to three. In the 1927 series they were clobbered by the same Yankees four games to none.

That would seem to remind us that at least some things over the past 100 years have not changed much.

~Gary Rust is president of Rust Communications.