Does your dad deserve better?

Fathers get the short end of the stick every year. Father's Day hardly gets the hype Mother's Day does. So I decided to do my part early to help dads get some much-deserved recognition.

On Mother's Day, moms get showered with flowers, candy, dinner, and gifts people have spent weeks, at least, contemplating. Children and husbands bounce ideas off one another looking for the best gifts to buy. Everyone wants to honor them and see a smile spread across their faces. Of course, we also all know "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" So we make sure we take good care of them!

Fathers don't get quite as much attention. That explains why many a dad has more ties than he knows what to do with, more hammers than he can hang in the garage, and more pounds than he can push in, you know, from using all those barbecue utensils we gave him to grill the food we want to eat. If you're among those who put as much time and effort into selecting your Father's Day card, contemplating your gift for your dad, and making him feel special, kudos to you. But you're the exception.

Several years ago, my church at the time came to the conclusion that we needed to do a better job celebrating fathers on Father's Day. "On Mother's Day, we honor women. We preach a sermon that pays tribute to them. We give them roses. We give them a gift. We make sure they know how much we love and appreciate them," the minister said. But he contrasted that with how men were treated. "On Father's Day, we beat up on the men. We tell them they need to step it up. We reprimand them for not being a better leader in their homes. We point out where they fall short modeling the love of God to their children." The church's epiphany was simple: We must honor men also. They, too, deserve to be celebrated, not criticized, on their day. I say, "Amen!"

Good fathers are as much of a treasure as good mothers. Men who work, provide for their families, love their wives and children, and honor God are worth applauding. Society makes it too easy for men to walk away, to shun responsibilities. But real men are there even when times are tough. Even when marriages fail, good dads don't abandon their children. Responsible fathers teach valuable lessons and create memories. They deserve to be more than an afterthought or a punching bag.

I write this ahead of Father's Day to encourage you to dig deep. If your dad is still with you, think about how you might honor him in an even greater way this year. What would really make Dad happy -- not make you happy that you can now cross the obligatory tie off the list because you picked it up already from J.C. Penny?

Here's the deal: 1) If Dad doesn't dress up, he won't wear the tie, 2) He has enough socks, and 3) He doesn't need hair tonic because, in case you haven't noticed, he's bald now.

So you have a little time still to seriously think about what would make Dad smile. Maybe it's a framed list of all of the reasons you love him. Perhaps you should grill him a steak. You might take him to a ballgame. I don't know what your dad enjoys, but you probably do. Do that.

My dad passed away when he was only 46 years old. For the life of me, I cannot think of one thing I bought him for Father's Day -- not one thing. I was just out of college when he died, so I'm sure I never bought him anything expensive, but still, it would seem to me that had I put deep thought into what I did give him -- assuming I gave him Father's Day gifts -- I'd remember. But I don't. Those of you who have your dads in your life, you can do what I no longer can: Celebrate your father. No, it's not just about the third Sunday in June, and yes, there's more to a holiday than spending money, but it really does speak volumes when on those special days, we treat the special people in our lives as if they are, well, special. So buy something; make something; heck, if you can sing, sing something, but do something that matters -- to him -- while you have the chance.

So share with us: Do you pay tribute to your dad in meaningful ways, and if so, how? Or do you have to admit your dad deserves better? If you know you need to step it up, there's still time; go for it.

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member. Contact her at aross@semissourian.com.