Demographics and a little humor

In a nutshell, Cape Girardeau County is a solid, retail, education, farming, manufacturing, medical, distribution center with steady growth, above average income, education, housing and lifestyle options.

A great place to live, raise a family or retire, among friendly neighbors.

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Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed

to tell you why it isn't.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

* I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "doctor."

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Gary Rust is the chairman of Rust Communications.