COMPUTER GENDER, OIL, GOD'S HELP, DANGEROUS RUMORS

What gender are computers? An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes, ships and planes were, at one time, referred to as "she."

One of the students asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher decided to divide the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine and give four reasons for their recommendations. Conclusions were as follows:

WOMEN unanimously determined that computers should be masculine because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still are clueless. 3. They think they can help you solve your problems, but most of the time they are the problem. 4. As soon a you commit to one, you realize if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

MEN unanimously determined that computers should be feminine because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. -- Arkansas Press Association newsletter

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The problem of energy nationally has been highlighted by the proposed release by President Clinton of 30 million barrels of oil from our strategic reserve. The United States consumes approximately 18 million barrels of oil a day. The U.S. strategic reserve is approximately 571 million barrels of oil. In a press conference on July 15, 1975, I said, "Throughout the 1950s, America was using and producing the same amount of energy. In 1960, we suffered a reversal in production levels and, at about the same time, our consumption went up. From that point on, our problems worsened. We made up the difference between production and consumption levels by imports. In terms of barrels of oil, the level in 1957 was 1 million barrels a day. By 1973, we were importing six times this amount, representing 33 percent of our total oil consumption and 17 percent of our entire energy use." Today, we are importing over 50 percent of our oil. Obviously, the price of oil is out of our control and in the hands of OPEC. -- Lou Frey Jr., past-president of Former Members of Congress

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A woman named Sarah finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble.

She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray: "God, please help me. I've lost my business, and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and goes, and someone else wins it.

Sarah again prays: "God, please let me win the lotto. I've lost my business and my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and goes, and someone else wins it.

Sarah again prays: "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car, and my children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open, and Sarah is confronted by the voice of GOD HIMSELF: "Sarah, meet me half way on this. Buy a ticket."

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Rumors pose danger to the innocent: Have you heard the latest rumor? You know what rumor. The one about the rich, prominent Sikestonians. Grand jury indictments. You know what I'm talking about. It's the rumor that the newspaper is hiding the names of these Sikeston residents. Lots of well-heeled, influential, powerful folk. Sure, you've heard the rumor.

Well, gosh, people, we've heard those rumors too. But newspapers don't print rumors. I know you may think that's just some silly newspaper policy. I mean since everyone is talking about it, it must be true, right?

I assume where there's smoke there's fire. But until someone in the law enforcement family announces some action, it's just a rumor. And rumors hurt reputations. They spread like wildfire, engulfing the innocent with the guilty. And when a rumor is spread, it takes on a life of its own. Each version embellishes the "facts" and spreads the blanket of blame a bit wider.

For those uninformed, here's how it works. Our newspaper makes calls daily to law enforcement officials. They give us information, and we ask them questions. We've asked specific questions about this latest rumor of drug charges among the rich and famous. Thus far, not one person in law enforcement is able to confirm one ounce of this rumor. We believe the time will come soon when the truth will surface and actions will be taken. Until then, it's a rumor and nothing more.

The problem with a rumor is that fact and fiction combine. Bits of truth are entwined with bits of fantasy and the result has the potential for harm to innocent people. And there's something malicious here as well. Old grudges surface in the rumor mill and names far removed are brought into the discussion. Once repeated, it becomes fact.

Unless you know something to be true, take all conversation with a grain of salt. You see, if you're not careful, your name too could make the rumor circuit. Then you can spend the rest of your life explaining the truth and some will always remember the rumor. And that's dangerous. -- Mike Jensen, Standard Democrat, Sikeston, Mo.

~Gary Rust is the president of Rust Communications.