Class clown often has low self-esteem

Dear Dr. Dobson: I'm a teacher and love my students. There is one child in my sixth-grade class, however, who drives me nuts. He works overtime trying to make everybody laugh. What drives this child? Why does he want to make life miserable for me?

Dear Reader: We all remember the child you're talking about. He's called "the class clown," and some other things that are less flattering. He is a trial to his teachers, an embarrassment to his parents and an utter delight to every child who wants to escape the boredom of school. There are millions of class clowns on the job today. It's my belief that boards of education assign at least one such child to every class just to make sure teachers earn every dollar of their salaries.

These skilled little disrupters are usually boys. They often have reading or other academic problems. They may be small in stature, although not always, and they'll do anything for a laugh. Their parents and teachers may not recognize that behind the boisterous behavior is often the pain of inferiority.

Humor is a classic response to feelings of low self-esteem. That's why within many successful comedians is the memory of a hurting little boy or girl. Joan Rivers frequently jokes about her unattractiveness as a girl. She said she was such a dog, her father had to throw a bone down the aisle to get her married. And so it goes.

These and other comedians got their training during childhood, using humor as a defense against childhood hurts. That's usually the inspiration for the class clown. By making a joke out of everything, he conceals the self-doubt that churns inside.

That understanding should help us meet his needs and manage such a child more effectively.

Dear Dr. Dobson: I would like to teach my child about human sexuality but I'm not sure I know how to go about it. Talk about the matter of timing. When do I say what?

Dear Reader: One of the most common mistakes made by parents and many overzealous educators is teaching too much too soon. One parent told me, for example, that the kindergarten children in her local district were shown films of animals in the act of copulation. That is unwise and dangerous! Available evidence indicates that there are numerous hazards involved in moving too rapidly. Children can sustain a severe emotional jolt by being exposed to realities for which they are not prepared.

Furthermore, it is unwise to place the youngster on an informational timetable that will result in full awareness too early in life. If eight-year-old children are given an understanding of mature sexual behavior, it is less likely that they will wait ten or twelve years to apply this knowledge within the confines of marriage.

Generally, children should be given the information they need at a particular age. Six-year-olds, for example, don't need to understand the pleasures of adult sexuality. They are not ready to deal with that concept at their developmental stage. They should be told where babies come from and how they are born. Sometime between six and nine, depending on the maturity and interest of an individual (and what is being heard in the neighborhood), he or she ought to understand how conception occurs. The rest of the story can be told later in elementary school.

Admittedly, this ideal timetable can be turned upside down by precocious friends, racy videos or unwise adults. When that occurs, you have to cope with the fallout as best as possible. It is regrettable that we expose our children to far too much of the wrong kind of sexuality.

Send your questions to Dr. James Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family.