Angel on the loose

Let's say, for starters, that we elected God every four years. And let's say that God appointed me, one of his big boosters, to be the angel of Cape Girardeau. What would I do? Where would I begin?

These are easy questions, believe it or not. I've given quite a bit of thought to what I would do if I had any influence on anything. And I figure if I was God's hand-picked angel for this city, I would know exactly what to do first.

"Start with the easy stuff." That would be my angel motto.

What I have in mind, of course, would be easy for an angel. Apparently, however, these are things that are beyond mere humans.

Take Item No. 1, for example: stoplights.

Any angel worth his wings could synchronize Cape Girardeau's stoplights and make them sensitive to traffic flow with the snap of his fingers. This wouldn't be hard work. It would amount to making the stoplights do what they're built to do.

For some reason, the humans in charge have decided it's OK if the stoplights don't do what they're supposed to do or even do things they know will annoy us into spasms and fits.

There's no call for anyone to suffer at the hands of stoplights. None whatsoever. And God knows that.

Item No. 2: littering with cigarette butts.

Most angels don't smoke, which is one reason you never see anyone with a halo tossing cigarette butts out a car window. But we see a lot of butts thrown from cars by beings with -- what's that on their heads? -- horns. Gracious glory, the only thing angels like less than butt litter is small-brained devils.

If I were the angel in charge, I'd impose some small penance on anyone who thinks throwing butts in the street is cool. Something like lopping off their arms at the armpit. That's not too drastic, is it?

And you thought angels were all sweetness and light. Angels have serious jobs, and sometimes they have to practice tough love.

Finally, if I had an angel's access to God himself, I'd get the Almighty to uncreate allergens. Some angels would start by wiping out snakes, and I applaud them wholeheartedly. But I've never stayed awake all night all stuffed up with my throat being tickled by a snake. Allergens and I, on the other hand, are regular bedmates.

Goodbye, allergens. Hello, unobstructed breathing. And a good night's sleep.

If I had time, with all my angel duties, I would probably also take care of whatever it is, other than allergies, that causes men of a certain age to get up several times a night. But that's a pretty big order, fellas, so don't hold your breath.

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If you've driven on Broadway this week, you've surely noticed the shop windows decorated for Southeast Missouri State University's Homecoming. The windows will be on full display Saturday morning when the Homecoming parade makes its way from Capaha Park to the Mississippi River.

This year, several crews of student painters have worked through the night to turn large panes of glass into colorful Homecoming scenes. If this all-night process has occurred in the past, I don't recall seeing it. Driving to work in the dark Wednesday morning, I saw several bleary-eyed groups working away.

The other thing that struck me about many of the windows this year is the professional look of the intricate artwork. There are some dang good artists involved in the window painting this year, and I hope they get the recognition they deserve.

When you come to the parade Saturday, be sure to take a few minutes to look at the windows. I think you'll like what you see.

And don't forget all the other Homecoming activities, including the grand opening and dedication of the new Southeast Public Radio studios in the Serena Building. KRCU also is having one of its fund drives this week. If you like public radio, this is the time to show your support.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editorial page editor of the Southeast Missourian.