A positive choice

My wife, over the years, has wisely observed that our personal calamities, no matter how awful, pale by comparison to so many around us and the millions who suffer around the world.

She's right, of course. She always is.

My wife has been a guest of far too many hospitals over her adult life, starting with a tonsillectomy after she graduated from college. Our older son had a tonsillectomy before he was 3 years old and tubes in his ears before he was 4. Both times he was alert -- and ravenously hungry -- within a couple of hours. We'll never forget the stack of pancakes he consumed after the ear tubes. He still loves a good pancake.

When you're an adult, though, your body finds it more difficult to spring back to normal after these procedures. My wife had a miserable few days after her tonsillectomy. She was in no mood for pancakes. She still doesn't like them.

Every time we are in a hospital, we find others who are coping with situations far worse than ours. We found that out again this week when my wife's doctor ordered her to the emergency room after some tests.

The splendid care she received, both in the ER and on the floor once she was admitted, was a blessing. But we still couldn't help feeling sorry for ourselves.

That is, until I tried to quell my spasming stomach late in the evening and headed for the hospital cafeteria.

On the way, I met one of my neighbors in the hallway. I wasn't surprised to see her, since she is a hospital employee like my wife, but I wondered why she was there so late.

It turns out her elderly father needed a pacemaker so he could take care of his bedridden wife only to be told after the successful procedure that he wouldn't be able to use his arm for a month.

My neighbor was practical and realistic: "I know we'll figure this out," she said, "but right now I don't know what we'll do."

We chatted awhile, gave each other a hug -- you have no idea how much a simple hug helps when you need it the most -- and went on our way.

As soon as I reached the cafeteria I ran into someone else I knew whose elderly father, it turns out, has been hospitalized for weeks following heart failure. Despite his advanced years, the father was making a remarkable recovery until a heart pump dislodged plaque in arteries that settled in his toes requiring some amputation.

Optimistically, my acquaintance focused on his father's recovery, not on the burdens that life -- and the miracle of life-saving procedures -- frequently tosses in our path.

When I got back to my wife's room, she asked if I felt better after eating. I told her I felt humble and shared the stories of the human will to triumph even under the worst of circumstances.

Standing back at a distance and evaluating our lives, my wife and I realize that, despite hospital stays and major surgeries, our lives have been good.

We have two sons -- boys to us, but truly outstanding men in their own right -- who have been healthy, smart and ambitious all their lives. Could any parent ask for more?

When our friends would tell us of their woes in dealing with their teenage children, my wife and I would look at each other with puzzled looks, because we never experienced the turmoil and angst so common to so many families. Were we blessed? You bet, and we've known it all along.

As I told a friend Thursday morning after my wife went into the hospital, I was so grateful to be able to go home to a house with a roof that doesn't leak, plenty to eat and a familiar bed with my very own pillow. Miss Kitty was puzzled, because the hand that feeds her special treats wasn't around. But she, too, survived in the relative luxury of a pampered pet.

If there is a lesson here, it is that we get to choose to live with life's triumphs or succumb to our defeats. To me, choosing the positive is what makes getting up every morning worthwhile.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.