Woman's experience shows danger of stalking

Editor's note: Some names have been changed to protect the victim's identity.

By Chris Pagano

Southeast Missourian

She still sees her alleged stalker around town occasionally.

And it makes her jittery.

He goes out of his way to wave as if it was inspired by friendliness -- but Danielle thinks otherwise. A victim of stalking that took place three years ago, Danielle believes his wave serves as a reminder that the whole incident might start again.

January is National Stalking Awareness Month. The Safe House for Women will commemorate Stalking Awareness Month with a No Limit Texas Hold 'Em Safe House Invitational fundraising event Saturday at the VFW in Cape Girardeau.

The crime affects nearly 1.4 million Americans annually and is defined by Missouri law as purposely, repeatedly and intentionally harassing or following someone.

For Danielle, being stalked raised her awareness of suspicious cars in the neighborhood or in the employee parking lot.

There are other changes Danielle made as a result of being stalked, such as making sure her phone included a camera. Carrying a camera and documenting every detail about an incident was a tip she received from Debi Oliver, domestic violence/sexual assault investigator for the Cape Girardeau Police Department. "It's always on the victim to prove what actually happened," Danielle said.

She also protects her identity. "I don't throw any identifying mail away. I shred everything. After an incident like this, you always have one eye open," she said.

She is also an advocate for stiffer laws to punish stalkers. "Punishment might deter them from continuing. Now it's like they just get a slap on the wrist," she said.

One woman's experience

Danielle's stalker's record is two pages long, dating back to 1999. Some of the charges resulted in incarceration, according to the Missouri Courts Web site, www.courts.mo.gov/casenet.

She'd known her stalker in a professional situation that ended after 30 days, she said. The incidents of sexual harassment resulted in one last physical confrontation, she said.

She filled out a police report, and after a few days, she endured another stalking incident, she said.

"It scared me to death, but I figured he must just be out and about," she said.

She didn't see him for a few days and when she did spot him, she said he was waiting in a parking lot with his engine off. "He started his car and followed me. I filled out another police report."

Advice from police officers included to change her route. Danielle also decided to file for an order of protection.

An order of protection is a court order that is designed to stop violent and harassing behavior. An order of protection can be filed against a stalker, no matter what relationship exists, according to www.womenslaw.org/MO/MO_how_to.htm, a Web site intended to provide legal information to women.

Once Danielle even ran a red light when she said she saw her stalker begin to open his vehicle door.

"It was difficult to serve him an ex parte [order of protection] because they couldn't find him. They didn't want to serve him at work because they thought he might get even more riled up," Danielle said.

"One time he even followed me to the police station when I was going there to file a report, and waved," she said.

Orders of protection

It wasn't until he was sent a letter from the assistant prosecuting attorney that he stopped, she said. Now, the order of protection has expired and she hesitates to renew it for fear of angering him.

Oliver, though, favors the use of ex parte orders. "An ex parte allows us to arrest the perpetrator," she said.

According to the Common Pleas Courthouse staff, an order of protection can be filed against a stalker with specifics on his or her name and address. If the name of the stalker is unknown, a police report can be filed.

"It is always better to err on the side of caution," said David Gilbertson, Cape Girardeau Police Department patrolman. Filing a police report on a stalker was his advice.

However, there are times when an order of protection may not be wise, according to Betty Brown, Safe House for Women court advocate on domestic violence. She helps victims navigate the court system. "If the victim thinks the order of protection will escalate to more violence, she will probably not file one. I tell people to trust their instincts. They are the experts on their own lives," she said.

There are no fees for filing for an order of protection. Missouri law does not allow the courts to charge the petitioner. After the hearing, the court may order the respondent to pay the filing fees, according to womenslaw.org.

Staying safe

"Stalking is getting worse," Oliver said. She thinks the essential tools to combat stalking include better law enforcement, public awareness of stalking and the elimination of the stigma in talking about it.

Linda Garner, executive director of the Safe House for Women, gave her advice on stalking: "Don't downplay the danger. If you feel unsafe, you probably are. Women are in touch with their feelings and, if they feel they are being stalked, should seek help. Take threats seriously. Some women and men don't really realize the implications."

Tammy Gwaltney, Southeast Missouri Network Against Sexual Violence executive director, said, "Stalking is a form of violence against women. It is another way for a perpetrator to frighten, intimidate and control their victim. As with all violence, it is about power and control."

For more information, visit the Web site of the National Center for Victims of Crime, www.ncvc.org.

cpagano@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 133