TODAY'S COLUMN: A PICTURE-PERFECT CHRISTMAS; OR AN 'ODE TO HOLIDAY STRESS'

'Twas the night before Christmas

Mom was pulling out her hair

Trying to achieve the perfect Christmas

But it just wasn't there.

The children were whining.

They wouldn't go to bed.

They'd had too much chocolate candy

A sugar rush filled their heads.

Papa was watching TV

On his face was a pout.

He was asking ma why every year

She knocked herself out.

"To have a Martha Stewart holiday

You've got to do more,"

She said as she ticked off

Her many holiday chores:

"Decorate, bake a cake,

Hang up some holly,

Buy presents, make ornaments,

Make everyone jolly.

From the school pageant

To the mall, making the rounds,

Gotta dash around, dash around

Dash around town."

Mom's brow, it was furrowed

Her eyes, how they drooped,

She couldn't enjoy Christmas

Because she was too pooped.

Her children were unhappy

Her husband was mad

Why wasn't this the best Christmas

They had ever had?

And her family exclaimed,

Above all of the fuss.

"Instead of TV holidays

Just spend time with us."

Are your visions of the perfect holidays based more on what you see on TV than what you and your family would really enjoy? Do you find yourself spending more time preparing for Christmas than sitting back and enjoying it? Do you expect your family members to live up to an ideal rather than be themselves?

If you answered yes to these questions, then you may need some tips on setting more realistic expectations for the holidays. The following tips on coping with holiday stress are from Claire Lafoon, director of education at the Community Counseling Center, where a free seminar on "Dealing with Holiday Stress" will be held at 6:30 tonight.

* Remember that your family and your holiday don't have to match your neighbor's or what you see on TV. You can start your own traditions, do things your own way, make your own magic.

* Keep your expectations about family gatherings realistic. Learn from your experience. If your sister-in-law always nit-picks or your cousin always drinks too much, they probably will this year, too. Expect it and plan ahead for how you want to handle these conflicts.

* Remember that you have control over holiday spending. Don't let yourself get trapped into thinking you "have to" buy gifts for more people than you wish or can afford to or buy more expensive gifts that you can afford. People really appreciate gifts that come from the heart or that involve time or a service rather than a costly material gift.

* Respect your limits. Accept that you can't do everything. Learn to say "no." This may mean saying no to requests of donations, volunteer work, another batch of cookies for another children's or club party. It may even mean having to pick and choose among desirable things. Trying to fit in too many Christmas parties and Christmas pageants may mean none of them are special anymore. You won't be able to enjoy them if you are exhausted.

* Take care of yourself. All of the good, healthy habits -- like a good diet, enough sleep and exercise -- that are important year-round become doubly important when bodies and minds are under stress. Unfortunately, healthy habits are often the first things to go when we're busy. Find ways to keep up with those healthy things that can help control stress and let go of some of the things that create stress.