'TIL DEATH DO US PART; MORE COUPLES SAILING DOWN RIVER OF MARITAL BLISS

Charles and Ester Adams sit on their back porch in Jackson. The couple has been married for 65 years.

The Adams said their secret to marriage is they have always done everything together.

It's marrying season.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reported about half of all weddings in the United States happen between May and September, with August winning out over June as the most popular month for weddings.

The same holds true in Cape Girardeau County, where the marriage rate dropped steadily until 1994. Then the number of licenses issued went up by 24 to 659. But the Cape Girardeau Circuit Clerk's office recorded 6 percent fewer divorces in 1994 than in 1993, following years of a steady increase in the divorce rate.

Couples marry at different ages for different reasons. The secret is how to stay together and avoid becoming another divorce statistic. Many have found it isn't easy to merge two lives, especially if circumstances are difficult.

Jeremy and Holly Burton were married March 20 in Cape County Park. Their wedding-photo smiles look perfect, even though the circumstances weren't. Jeremy, 18, and Holly, 16, were expecting.

They had been dating for three years and planned to be married anyway, but not so soon. The couple pressured Holly's parents into permitting her to marry.

The baby is here now, and the Burtons say they feel closer than ever.

"It doesn't seem too much different than before," Holly said. "Maybe it makes you a little more honest with each other."

In contrast, Ron and Wendy Lincoln waited until their early 30s to wed. Wendy had been engaged twice before but ended the relationships. Ron simply hadn't met the right girl.

They dated for five years before Ron finally popped the question.

"To be honest, I think I was ready before he was," Wendy said. "He got the hint it was time to ask. I respect him now, because he wanted to wait and make sure we were more financially stable."

They married March 18 at St. Vincent's Catholic Church.

While waiting helped them find the perfect mate, their age made some aspects of the relationship more difficult. Both were set in their ways and had to make room for the other person's habits. Wendy said they had the "Donnie and Marie Syndrome" -- he was a little bit country, she was a little bit rock 'n' roll.

For example, she drove a late-model Camaro that needed to be replaced. Thinking practically, Ron suggested a four-door family car, and Wendy agreed that would be the best choice.

It was too much of a change, and she hated it. The Lincolns took a loss, trading in their sedan for a Ford Mustang.

"It's different, having to answer to someone," Ron said. "But we usually reach a compromise. It may be after a little arguing."

While most men take some ribbing over their loss of freedom when they marry, Ron said it didn't bother him. He realized Wendy was giving up some things, too.

"She has her hobbies, and I have mine," he said. "We talked about it before we got married and decided we could do what we used to do. You kind of have to get out and do your own thing."

Community Counseling Center counselor Judy Johnson said the Lincolns' kind of communication is the key to a successful marriage. Couples who come to her often state that "he doesn't understand" or "she doesn't listen." They don't allow each other to have their own friends or their own interests.

A counselor since 1981, Johnson has discovered tolerance and flexibility are vital qualities in husbands and wives. Problems arise when one looks to the other for support and he or she isn't there, or they both need support at the same time.

"People must tend to their marriage relationship the way they would tend to a garden or child," Johnson said. "A relationship doesn't survive if you ignore it."

Marriage self-help books can help a relationship in crisis, if couples read them with critical eyes and pick out what can help them.

But some couples seem to float on the sea of marital bliss without many waves rocking their boats. Charles and Esther Adams of Jackson celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary May 6. He is 87, she is 83, and neither can remember any major arguments.

"Just help each other," Charles advised. "Don't stay out every night running around. It will get you in trouble. If we go out, we do it together, and we stay close to each other."

The couple began dating in Perryville after Charles asked Esther to the movies. He couldn't get his car started after the show and broke his arm trying to crank it. An acquaintance drove them to the local doctor's office, and Esther paid to have her future husband's arm set.

It was love at first injury. They married two years later and worked in the same factories for most of their lives.

"We've had our misunderstandings, but we never separated or threatened each other," Esther said. "We just had our spats and that was it. We never hit each other, and we respect each other."

Both said they want to celebrate their 66th wedding anniversary, and 67th and 68th . . .