The silent ranks: Army wives always on guard, fiercely loyal

I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line

But my job is just as tough. I'm the one who's left behind ...

Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free

My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.

I love the man I married; soldiering is his life.

But I stand among the silent ranks, known as the Army Wife.

— Excerpt from "The Silent Ranks," by Army wife Beth Haney

As told to ILENE DAVIS

Few understand the concept of standing by your man better than military wives. The line of duty for them is a high wire swinging precariously over the daily possibility of injury or even death for their spouse. It's a fear that binds them together — fiercely loyal is how one local Army wife describes the relationship. Old or young, new to the life or a veteran of base moves, they are emotionally tough, unwaveringly patriotic and constantly on guard against anything that might tear their families apart. When you're married to the military, you have to be.

APRIL STYER

Age: 34

Family: Married with three children

After only three weeks in Iraq, April Styer's husband called her to say he'd been shot. The injury wasn't life-threatening; in fact, it was a friendly fire accident. But it hammered home the possibility that Sgt. Rodney Styer might not make it back to Southeast Missouri alive.

How they met

Rod and I met while "cruising" Broadway back in February of 1994. We knew each other only six weeks before we married. I already had a child, but he took him right in as his own. We were expecting soon after we were married. Once we had two, the money was tight. Out of the blue, a recruiter called us and suggested that Rod join. Leaving the Southern Illinois/Southeast Missouri area was really hard on us at first.

Life in the military

Our first duty station was Fort Lewis, Wash. That was pretty extreme for this small country girl, but Rod and I decided that our family motto would be "It's what we make of it." Fort Lewis was huge, but God had a purpose for us being there. I was pregnant with our third child by that time. Rod was in a patriot missile unit. He was sent over to Saudi Arabia right after the Khobar Towers were hit. He left about a week after those were bombed and stayed in the towers next to them. That was my first experience with him in a hostile situation.

After he came home — he was there six months — it was hard for me to hand the responsibilities back. I was used to leaving when I wanted, doing all the finances and even the discipline in the family. Things got even more complicated when our daughter decided to arrive three months early. We put our marital problems on the back burner so we could focus on getting our little girl home. She was in the hospital for about three months.

Impact on family

The unit was then headed to Fort Bliss, Texas. For the next seven years, we moved almost every year. After Fort Lee, Rod got orders for Korea. That was where all those marital problems that we never talked about hit worse than ever. I moved back to Illinois to be with my family while he was gone. He had to spend a year hardship tour, which means no family can go with you. He got to be with us at Christmas for his mid-tour R&R, but went right back. It wasn't as hostile at the other places he has been to, but it was the hardest on our marriage. At that time, we couldn't be in contact and the Internet wasn't as great as it is now.

After he came back from Korea, we got orders for Fort Riley, Kan. Fort Riley had strained our marriage so bad that we were ready to give up and go our separate ways. We needed to get out of the Army to save our marriage and that is what we did. Once we got out, we rebuilt our marriage, fell in love all over again, grew in our Christian faith and just let God lead our lives. We were more in love than ever before. He was working at Havco and I started home-schooling our children. But bills started piling up and we had trouble making ends meet. We started really praying about going back into the Army. Rod went back to the recruiter and was told he could keep his rank of sergeant if he rejoined.

Living with Iraq

We found out that he was heading to Iraq soon after. We knew it was inevitable that he would have to go, we just didn't realize it would be that quick. I was OK at first just knowing that he was to be gone for the year, but sometimes once they get you over there, they want to keep you. I got that call around the first of the year; Rod told me they had been extended to 15-month tour.

It was a very hard tour for all of us. We have boys and they really needed their dad. One was going through puberty and had questions that Mom wasn't prepared to answer yet. It was hard to tell the kids that Dad was going to miss their birthdays again, and even worse to tell them that he was missing Christmas for another year.

Army relationships

There is a bond that is just shared by the military wives. If the news shows a tank getting blown up, I can call my neighbor and she could tell me the unit, the type of tank, where the tank was from. You just have this thing, it is hard to explain. We are fiercely loyal to each other. We created a bond closer than I think most wives had.

I think most of everything I wear either says Army Wife or Army something. I love being an Army wife. Other than being a Christian, I believe it is an honor to be Rod's wife and I don't ever want to do something that would bring shame to my soldier and what he does for his country. Most of the wives that I have met have been the sweetest, most understanding, reliable ladies I have ever met. The public needs to hear about the good that is being done, not all the negative stuff. No one hears about the prisoners we let go because they are rehabilitated or what we have taught them so that they can better their lives. Rod's unit taught some of the Iraqi guards how to build homes, guard shacks, bathrooms, showers. No one reports about stuff like that. I love it that you are getting the word out about us. We are, after all, among the Silent Ranks.

 

READ MORE

See the full story in the Summer 2008 issue of SHE magazine, inserted July 20 in the Southeast Missourian. O rlog on to shethemagazine.com today to read about other military wives from Southeast Missouri.